So for me, today was a pretty weird and hard day for me. A lot of anxiety and a lot of panic. As well as just a lot of visual phenomena that I wasn’t enjoying. I was convinced I was gonna use today more than once. Thankfully I did not. I persevered and didn’t go through with intentionally hurting myself. The thing that really got stuck on my mind though. Is that the using of the substances really gave me so much comfort. Times in the past when I was using things like this wouldn’t happen as much. At least it felt like my anxiety was under control. I know in reality it was the substances that were doing that to me and it was really hurting me more than it was helping me. For me, I will always compare my using to putting a blanket on your shoulders while you’re holding a hot cup of tea or coffee in your hand. It’s comfort it’s familiar. I really really miss that today and I felt like I needed it. Again, thankfully, I did not go through with it. The thing that’s just so incredibly hard is sitting with the emotions. It’s like a tsunami as well as a hurricane happening all at once. There’s no time to get to higher ground or to even use skills at that point. Specially, if I’m already in the midst of that storm. I sometimes can occasionally catch it in between, but it’s rare. Thankfully now at 9:40 PM. I’m finally feeling some sort of release and comfort. It may sound odd it was from getting a hug from my boyfriend that really helped me be able to relax my body and for that storm to kind of quiet down a little bit. I’m so incredibly grateful to have the boyfriend that I have. I don’t even think he knows to the extent of how much he really helps me.
7 Likes
Read the book called FLOW
2 Likes
I know that storm, and I know what it takes to ride it out without reaching for the old fix.
You did that, that matters.
1 Like
Rachel, hang in there! Praying for you.
You might want to go to lots and lots of meetings and share your experience. This is a tremendous help! It’s our medicine.
I’m here if you want to talk
1 Like