So I’m a month sober now, and having a lot of single mom guilt over having not been the best mom I could have been to my now 14 year old. We are still very close and he hugs me a lot and tells me he loves me, but I feel like an abusive relationship I had and my drinking affected my parenting. I’ve been a decent mom but could have been better, and now he is pulling away from me and I feel like we should have had more time together and made better memories. How do I get over this guilt? On top of it he is getting very difficult too.
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First, you don't make it worse by continuing the behavior that got you there. And after that, time and being kind to yourself.
I'm obviously not a single mom, im not even a parent. But relationships and the guilt that goes along with destroying them is universal. Be glad that you have enough of a conscience to feel remorse.
Rebuild, hang in there.
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Thanks
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Jennifer I'm a father of three and I totally understand you. I'm a single father and always felt guilty that me and their mother couldn't work out . And yes my drinking had a lot to do with it. I felt like my daughters were pushing me aside because after all everything changed as I slipped.. Now I go to meetings and seek advice and I'm starting to gain their trust..But they're growing and I respect that..Bottom line is don't let guilt hold you down because you may do something you'll regret. Just keep working on yourself.. You cant change the past but you can work in your future...you got this..
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I’m also a single mom and drank through most of my daughters life. The important thing to remember is to continue living a sober life.
I often ask my daughter what I can do to be a better parent. This line of communication improves trust and lets your kid know that you are actively trying to do and be better.
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Same here but you have all of high school left to be your best self. Don't worry about the past. Kids need help throughout their lives. 14 is young!
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Well you need to stay connected with him and not beat yourself up. He is probably going through some of his teenage years where they do break away some. Just stay as a mother and be concerned and curious how his well-being is as a mother he will come around he will see your change loving and understanding
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Good news.
The past isn’t a person, place or thing that can be changed.
You have today to make the best choices that you can.
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You can’t change the past. Use it to learn and make better choices in the future.
I’m a dad not a mom, but I have experience with what you’re talking about in my blended family. What I can say is ignoring/denying bad behaviour in kids (because of guilt) can affect the entire family. Stay strong and be a tough mom. Do what is right for your kid even if he/she doesn’t like it. Don’t try and make up for guilt, it does more harm in the long run. People won’t like this message, but in my experience it is the hard truth .
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I agree that you have to be a good parent and not let guilt over the past rule what happens today. But also keep in mind, it’s necessary for young teenagers to need to pull away from their parents and make their own decisions. It’s part of growing up so they will get tough and they will get difficult. You have to have patience with it and be able to let them experience independence, while staying on your toes to make sure they don’t get into trouble! My own son was such a pain when he was going through high school and early college. He wouldn’t even talk to me when he was in college,  because he and his girlfriend thought they should be able to do whatever they wanted. Years later, he’s told me that I was so right, and he was just a knucklehead, but he needed to make his own mistakes and own them!
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The best amends is a living amends by STAYING CLEAN!!! U GOT THIS!!! 
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Hi Jennifer l, I have 3 sons, 2 teens and a 23 year old. When the oldest was 14, went behind my back arranged to move in with his Grandparents. They showed up out of nowhere and it was like my heart was being ripped out. My greatest fear was losing him, his mother and I split right after he was born. I was drinking then. He did come home. And we now have a great relationship. My other kids are up and down as well. I try to be the best parent I can and let things go, I know how hard that is. Teenagers will be teenagers and all we can do is support them. Communication is key. I have living amends with my kids. When I talked to them about I was really surprised at the answer I got. My alcoholic brain made things seem a lot worse then they were. Stay strong.
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Don't look back on what was. Remember what and who you are trying to get to. Had that experience with my daughter too. It will come around.
Oh man, can I sympathize. There are days where I can hardly take the guilt. I’m still working on that also. Stay strong!
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Stop looking back. It’s gone. Look at today and forward. Also, consider the age, it may be a natural phase and have nothing to do with your parenting at all.
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