So I need some input here , starting to believe my family is a trigger for my anxiety. So my daughter is 3 months old , my family thinks it’s ok to come over whenever they want without asking permission , they just pop up and I’ve mentioned to them numerous times ask us before u show up…. Also I mentioned to them a bunch of times that my daughter is very young and whoever comes to see her NEEDS to wear a mask … they show up one day wearing a mask then the next time they come they don’t wear one ….. so yesterday I had a huge blowup with my mother about all this … and my mother knowing obviously I’m an alcoholic says to me “oh Joe go have another drink” , mind u I haven’t drank . But immediately after the fight I had so much anxiety where I thought of a drink( but I didn’t drink)
Hey Joe. I don’t know how long you have been sober, or what your story is, but setting boundaries and sticking to them are critical to lessening anxiety. It may seem rude but noting says you have to let anyone into your house if they just come over. Your house your rules and if people, including your parents, don’t want to follow that then they lose the right to be there. Standing your ground will also build self esteem. Don’t let people walk over you and your family. Good luck man.
Hey Tim , thanks a lot man , I’ve been on and off again sober since 2020…. I do good for 4-6 months and then I relapse , very frustrating… but yeah your right … problem is my family doesn’t know boundaries and when I try and be nice and tell them something there response is I’m being rude I got an attitude and the best one is they tell me oh u must want to drink
Sounds like your family is definitely a trigger. You’re going to have to set boundaries and stick with them. Don’t give up, keep pushing! 
Hey Erika… think your right , appreciate u reaching out
Here if ya need someone to listen
Dude. EVERYONE'S family is a trigger for anxiety in some way or another haha. But the mask thing etc is really disrespectful. I think people hope that you'll ease up on the rules they don't care to abide by.
Regardless, ya gotta set realistic boundaries. There's no way around it. And expect people to be butthurt about it, at least at first.
Might take u up on that one day.. just really stressed
My family is hurt pretty much by any boundaries I set , make me out to be the bad guy
I get it. I have been the one whom someone has set boundaries with before and I was bummed about it. I was offended. But now I understand boundaries so much more and how they are a good thing.
Joe this is what a healthy boundary may sound like. I am making a boundary today starting, I need a phone call before you come visit, if my boundary is not respected by not receiving a call and an appropriate time set up I will not be able to accommodate you coming over. Then stick to your boundaries, at that point after it is communicated well it is always the other’s choice to have the visit or not. Then make a separate one for the mask ect…
Triggers are a mechanical parts found on firearms. As an alcoholic I don’t need an excuse to drink.
If I’m working my program and talking with my sponsor, I can go and do anything or be anywhere I want. I am powerless over alcohol. The rest are just people, places and things. I suggest you talk with your sponsor and work the steps on it. I think you may find out that you are NOT “without strength or resource” pertaining to these people. Only alcohol pertaining to alcohol.
Family not respecting boundaries is messed up. Keep inforcing them. It will help you feel good about yourself. Go to meetings. A meeting helps me when I am stressed. I do zoom and in person. Really good support tool.
I have this problem too and it is difficult to be alcoholic and codependent but both are of them “family dis-eases”
It’s good that you understand this and even if they don’t you can always put your focus on sobriety is your highest priority and it is a matter of life and death. When we establish a boundary and it is met with anger and resistance it is a good indication the boundary was needed in the first place. It’s good enough they adhere to it but too much to expect they also like it. That may or may not come later.
I told one sibling “I would rather adjust to your absence that accommodate your disrespect for me. I had to walk home and we still speak but she no longer come over unannounced. And her husband has been in AA much longer than I have.
It is still something that feels so right.
You're gonna have to get tough on this one bro. I love you mom but those are the rules and you are not excluded. (SMILING)And nothing you can say is going to make me go back to drinking. If you want to visit your granddaughter you have to play by the rules like everyone else.
Lock your doors and stop them at the door. She may be her granddaughter but she's your daughter and you are ultimately responsible for her not your mother.