So I was just diagnosed with bipolar by an assessment with my psychiatrist office. Work keeps me too busy and I spend most of my time there and has a bad attendance policy to make an appointment with my psychiatrist to seek help with medication. Today with work, I was highly irritated due to patient volume whether it was coming in, patients calling, and my pharmacist manager telling me I need to work faster so many times today. I'm in tears and want to relapse very bad I just don't know how to handle my emotions at all.
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I can relate. I work on a trading desk for an investment company. We are constantly pushed to go faster and things have been worse since they refuse to hire. The hours are tough and while I am grateful to be employed, its tough to find balance. I can tell you that using won’t make it any better and I promise that this will pass. Perhaps try to do something that relaxes you for a little while, some form of self care. Talking to someone else in recovery usually helps me, or watching some videos, reading, a good movie. I go for walks a lot and I find that super helpful with winding down from days like this. Give yourself a break and a lot of credit for making through the day. Again, I can totally relate to most of what you posted and you actually helped me. I really hope you feel better and don’t pick up no matter what. Tomorrow is a new day.
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Your got this.
Are you working on the steps with a sponsor?
I am also bipolar so I understand how hard it is to regulate your emotions as well as deal with cravings and destructive behavior while manic. Did your psychiatrist prescribe you any meds? Once your meds get balanced out (which CAN take a lot of time/trial and error) it becomes much more manageable. Reach out if you want to chat about it.
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I sure will Ashley!
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