So it is time to keep it real. Last night was my last night to drink (hopefully)! I had to get one more round in obviously. I had a few truly beers. Nothing major. I didn’t buy a bottle of alcohol because I would have drank extensively being it was my “last night.” I barely felt a buzz but I didn’t care. It’s time to break up my relationship with alcohol. We just don’t get along together. I don’t know when to stop usually. The longest I’ve gone a few times in past few years is 12 days. First few days will be hard I will be irritable, impatient, anxiety ridden and grouchy. I have been clean off drugs for over a year and a half. I have the date somewhere in my calendar. I still crave to use and honestly I think it’s usually when I’m drinking and vulnerable but I have not used and I’m proud of that milestone! I also think I used drugs in my life because there is no weight gain. Lol just being honest. When I was using I was down to 98 lbs (but not a healthy 98) and thought I looked great and wanted to keep losing more. Looking back on photos I can’t believe I thought I looked good. I looked old and strung out and frail. Also because of other reasons that are common like boredom, loneliness, pain, and dealing with reality and life. There are so many benefits to being clean and sober. Your health, your confidence and your memory all improve every single day. I just need a supportive family who gets addiction. My family has always supported me but they don’t know what addiction is like. I joined here last night and I’m so glad I came. I used to do zoom meetings but I always felt worse after them. Either everyone was high and mighty, or pity me attitude, or too religious for me there. I hope to find support and comfort here and hope to support everyone as well!! Sorry for the long **** post 
Good luck starting your journey. I did exactly what your trying to do but until I got my recovery group it never worked. The shakes would start. Remember when you drink the alcohol stays in your body so you won’t feel withdrawal affects right away. My suggestion because you sound like your really done is to get yourself to AA meetings preferably beginners meetings. I pray this will work out for you.
I know for me I had to be medically detoxed from alcohol because stopping on my own was impossible. Good luck 
Thank you
Reach out anytime
Only the Alcoholic has to have that “last time” night. Lol. We decide to get help but need 1 last brew-ha before we do. I was one like that once too. Like a lung cancer sufferer smoking one last pack of cigs, before starting chemo? Crazy.
Your in the right place just remember when you start a substance it’s a gateway to another door to open just saying. The important thing is your willingness to try. Set your mind to it. Yes it can be challenging but the question you have to ask yourself. What exactly do you want and how bad do you want it?? Are you tired of being sick and tired?? Honestly your in the right place, it’s moving forward from here. Go to a meeting, find a sponsor, work the program. Take suggestions. Get phone numbers. We’re not here to judge just support. Sending good vibes. 
Thank you all.
How’s it going so far?
One day at a time. Although I didn't get to celebrate my final day drinking because I ended up in jail. Count your blessings it has not taken you there. Because it sucks.