So my boyfriend broke up with me yesterday and I'm taking it really hard. All I've wanted to do is go out and drink. I have talked to my roommates but they are too busy with their boyfriends to give me words of encouragement.
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I know the feeling. My second wife waited until I was just over a year clean to file our divorce. But I can say that "no matter what" kicked in for me. I took the challenge of becoming a better me for my next relationship. I am 13+ years clean now and have a very rocky relationship at best now that has existed for 10 of those years. My current relationship was brought together through recovery, I facilitated helping her reach goals in her recovery through financial support and my ESH. As of this time, our relationship is questionable at best. We cannot seem to find common ground to grow upon unless it is hers.
Drinking doesn’t make anything better but it does make lots of things worse.
You can grieve the loss of a very important relationship without numbing yourself. Getting drunk just delays the inevitable pain, but pain is growth, and grief is a process that you have to go through in order to heal.
So life on life’s terms is the way to go.
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Hi Catherine, break-ups are so hard, especially when you’re on the receiving end. Sending you a hug! As a reminder, drinking definitely will not make you feel better, if anything, it will make you feel worse in the end. Stick to your guns and go to bed sober. Call or text someone sober. If you don’t have anyone sober to call or text let me know.
I was a cucumber for a lot of my life and just abused alcohol on some weekends socially. But when I became a pickle, I drank mostly in my own home and eventually even having a boyfriend was a drag because he didn’t understand why I wanted to drink at 8 am after a long night of drinking. Why couldn’t I just drink like him? He is still a cucumber. We split up and that is when I really took my sobriety seriously. I went to AA meetings every night and only went to sober events. We ended up back together after 7 months apart. He respected my sobriety at first and didn’t drink around me. Then he started to social drink or have a beer on a Friday night. I was okay like that for two years. Then I started traveling a lot for my job and socializing with clients involved drinks. At first I just carried around the beer/wine without drinking it. Then it progressed and my boyfriend was not really understanding the whole alcoholism and started making comments like he wasn’t sure I was alcoholic or not and thought I could handle it. Now after the last two years of my slow but steady downward spiral into drinking until I got drunk and not just weekends, he is me fully supportive of my sobriety and gets it. I am not sure that I would have done the work with him around to get 2 years of sobriety… long enough for me to want it back this time. It may be a blessing in disguise and give you the opportunity to make sobriety the priority in life. Just my two cents… your mileage may vary.
My post was to show, as my sponsor tells me, you are not alone. You can either grow from it or wallow in it. If you decide to pick the path of self pity, we will be here when you get back.
I have no intentions on picking up a drink. It just heartbreak makes me think about it so much. I have been clean and sober for close to 3 years now and I'm not throwing that away
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Break ups are hard. But handling your life sober and fixing yourself is even more harder. Facing life and the reality of things is hard. Getting sober brought me clarity and made me a better person. Of course noone is perfect and I ended my sobriety of 4 years this year for my bday buying having a beer and cocktail and that was it. Then got back on my sober routine as usual. But the old me would have never stopped. But I was mad at myself for doing it. So yes, we are not perfect people and slip up. You are human. It is a struggle for most everyday. But it's how you approach it and do you have the discipline and will power to conquer it and face living a sober life? How bad do you want it? Are you ready to give it up and all that is associated with it? The bad part of it. It's a life choice. You don't have to be a saint but do you in your own way that's positive and steer the course. Find new friends and support and outlets. Trust me. It works wonders. Having gone through so much pain, loss and heartache, I'm glad I went through all that to make me who I am today. And I did it sober to feel that without the numbness.
It’s really a really hard thing to deal with the love of my life left me while I was incarcerated and it was horrible about the worst time in my life but from my experience with getting sober it’s a lot better to be single when doing so so if u can stay sober through this that just shows u can do anything and also let’s him know that u don’t need him to get yourself together and down the road after a while of sobriety the tables may turn and he want u back and u don’t even have the time of day but it’s a horrible feeling I know but u got this
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Your ex boyfriend is an asshole Catherine! He don't know what he'll be missing before it's too late. I wish you the best and keep your head up. You'll find someone worth your time!
Good Morning Catherine! Great to hear you say that you have no intention of picking up a drink! Looks like you are at almost 1000 days sober. That is amazing! I appreciate you sharing how it’s sometimes hard to live life on life’s terms, but that drinking is not your solution. I need to get to that point as well. My last relapse was after many years of sobriety. I had forgotten it was a daily program, and was doing it on my own for years. When life got really difficult, I kept things all to myself. Eventually my sick mind thought I could drink again. Well, that drink cost me 5 years of insanity. Great that you are reaching out and getting help! Now is the time to double down on the tools you have learned during your sobriety. The serenity prayer is definitely a good one! I hope you get to that place where you know and feel that everything is just the way it’s supposed to be, and that you feel at peace 
That's tough stuff, sorry to hear!! Congrats on not picking up.
Remember sobriety is for you and you only! I got sober for my ex wife and my son! But I stayed sober for me! It might sound selfish but it’s true, I’m sober for me and God. No one else.
I’m sorry you’re going through this rough time. God will remove people from our lives that God sees no longer serve us. Let him go for now. Continue to work on yourself. If it was meant to be he’ll be back.
Hurting ourselves, by drinking, to show the other person how hurt we are isn’t the answer.
Think of it like this “I’ll show you by hurting myself!” That way of thinking is dangerous. I was one who thought like this before getting sober.
Have a wonderful day filled with love and peace within my friend!! Life’s too short. Enjoy it.
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Hey Catherine! I agree with Jenn above. Texting someone could help a lot, and if you need someone to chat with, message me and I’ll gladly send you my number! Keep your head up. I know break ups suck, but remember your sobriety, and that storms don’t last forever!