I am an alcoholic! Have been for about 18 years. I have detoxed 2x and been to rehab for a month and I’m a freaking idiot and went back to the devil. I have three kids and an amazing husband, who are all routing for me. I have been trying to detox at home slowly and it’s just not working ugh. For the last week I shake like a freaking leaf and twitch like crazy, unless I have alcohol in my system, a lot! My muscles hurt so bad from the atrophy it’s not funny, not sure my muscles will ever be the same.
IM LOST! not sure what to do cuz this is just not working. I know the hospital is the best place for me but I can’t leave my family, they need me and I need them.
Any advice would be appreciated, just please be nice about it!
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I have also started to hear things and see things that are not there.
I’m right w you I’m good for 10 days than blow it. I quit my toxic job and it’s hard to find another one. Ask the lord to help you at least you have your husband & kids. I’m probably the worst person to take advice from just know you’re not alone. Hang in there
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Whatever you’re doing is not working.
Go to the detox and listen to what the people are saying and suggesting. Then do what they suggest. Not what you think you should do.
Remember, your best thinking got you here.
I suggest you let someone else do the thinking.
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Thank you! And you give advice is actually good for you as well
My husband and I decided that it’s time for me to go to the hospital to detox.
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18 years. Wow that’s scary. I would get to a hospital. It would be better for you and your family if you did. You cannot stop on your own. Very dangerous. Why may I ask after 18 years would you go back to h@ll. Just really curious.
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I didn’t stop for 18 years, that’s how long I have been drinking.
Oh I miss read. Very sorry. Being in recovery is so scary because that cr@p is so powerful. I fight everyday because I have a not great relationship with my daughter because of what I did. So when I read I thought you had 18 years sober. It was a scary thought. I pray you can get the help you need. I watched my brother and another friend die and their pain was incredible. Sobriety is tough. You really need a recovery group you can count on. Best wishes my friend. 
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get a sponsor and Work the steps. Or keep drinking. Chapter 5, AA Big Book.
Of course, you may find another way, good luck and prayers.
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I couldn't stop on my own either until I humbled myself and asked for help. 30 day inpatient residential treatment a year and 4 mo ago worked for me. It was the best decision I ever made. Your family doesn't "need" you in this condition. Much love and hope to you 
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Your family needs you to be there for them. The only way that’s going to happen is if you get help. I went thru all of what you’re saying. My entire body locked up. Hallucinations. Hearing things. The pains i experienced were very very intense. I wound up being hospitalized for organ failure which was obviously not fun. I was told if i waited a few more hours i would not have made it. Your body is craving the alcohol at this point. It thinks it needs it. Call your doctor or anyone that can help. Get yourself to a detox so this can be taken care of correctly. It’s a dangerous game to play alone and i hope you understand that now is the time for you to help yourself. Alcohol is one of the worst things to detox from on your own. Please get yourself on the phone or get someone to take you to where you need to go.
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Alot of us have been right where you are, as difficult as getting help can be continuing to drink is infinitely worse. I would agree with some of the others that getting help and listening to the advice of others in recovery is a good idea. When I was still drinking the last person on earth I should have been letting make decisions was me...
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1st thing yu gotta do is stop being so hard on yourself. Yur human.
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That’s what I had too. D.T’s may be what you are experiencing
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Dts are absolutely horrible
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Thank all of you very much! I plan on going in the morning. I will keep everyone updated. You guys really did touch my heart.
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Yes they are 
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One thing about the psychology of quitting is that when you are in the cycle of trying to quit it feels like drinking is easier and that it is impossible to quit so the drinking continues to be the "easy" way out. But it takes practice to quit like anything else and you have to try hard to not scream at yourself bc that's the alcohol talking not you. Be gentle and patient like you would want someone to be when you are trying to learn anything new. And envision your success every minute of every day. It takes time and practice and patience but you will get it.
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I have a degree in psychology and I understand 100% it’s easier to help someone else through something than it is help yourself.
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