Anyone up? I just went to a bar (sober - coffee, water) it was really hard for me, but this is what was hard & strange:
Made me sad for reasons I didn’t expect: I looked back at my former self like: wow I was a terrible crazy mess. Then, realizing all that time in the bar I thought I was impressing people and forging connections. Then looking at everyone in the bar seeing them do that but listening to it sober & realizing it’s not what I ever thought it was. It gets messy fast. Zero judgement. I was jealous tbh. I feel kinda lost though because I also felt very much on the outside looking in. Mixed emotions tonight & I just feel like talking before I go to sleep. The good things I feel: drive home with a friend also totally sober. Knowing I wouldn’t crash at a house I always did (to not drive) & not randomly hookup. Feeling more intentional with love but also super solitary which is hard tonight