left rehab PHP to get into a sober living and honestly i kind of miss PHP now. i hated getting up every morning at 6:30 and having 6 hours of program but now that i’m here i’m realizing i may have made the wrong decision. now that i have freedom to do whatever i want all day i’m kind of scared for what’s to come. so far i’ve had some cravings while i drove out of town yesterday and especially at a gas station yesterday (best place to stop and smoke meth at) and that kinda fucked with me but i slept it off and feel better now. just trying to take it one day at a time.
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It's understandable that you may be feeling conflicted about leaving a structured program like PHP and transitioning to a less structured environment like sober living. It's important to remember that everyone's recovery journey is unique and what works for one person may not work for another.
If you feel like you're missing the structure and support of PHP, you may want to consider talking to your support team about your concerns. They may be able to help you find ways to incorporate more structure and accountability into your daily routine while in sober living. This could include setting specific goals for yourself, attending 12-step meetings, or working with a therapist or counselor.
It's also important to remember that recovery is a process, and it's normal to have ups and downs along the way. Try to focus on the progress you've made so far and the positive changes you've experienced since beginning your recovery journey. Remember that you have the strength and resilience to overcome challenges and achieve your goals.
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Some people thrive with structure and really benefit from it. Sometimes, especially in the beginning, we need to be protected from ourselves until we are stable enough to be in the real world. If you need more help hopefully you can still get it. Good luck
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Maybe if you make a plan for the day, the night before, that would help you with the structure you miss.
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Hang in there Amelia, and just know you’re not alone. This is how a lot of us have felt once out from behind the safety walls of rehab and hit with the chaos that is being back out in the world. Just realize that it may feel chaotic, but in truth it really isn’t. Always be aware and mindful of our addiction’s constant desire to manipulate and control us into submission. Always wanting us to go back to our addictive behaviors,…. But we never ever have to again as long as we keep ourselves around and doing healthier positive things for ourselves with sober people and surroundings.
You’re in California so try checking out The Phoenix
It’s an amazing activity group that holds tons of cool events and such for anyone holding minimum 48 hours of sobriety and there all absolutely FREE and there’s some decent podcasts to.
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Hang in there! This is one of many tests you will have for the rest of your sober life. Lots of meetings, sharing here, talking to your sponsor and other sober women are all tools in your toolbox. Use them!
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Congratulations Amelia
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I can relate. Moving into sober living directly from PHP is a big adjustment. Do you have a sponsor? Group of sober female supports? When I was transitioning down from PHP, the sober house I was in offered a gradual decrease in how often I had to go to programming. If you are not able to do that, which it sounds like you aren’t, I would give yourself a lot of grace because it really is such a big transition. Work your program harder, up your meetings or keep a consistent schedule similar to what you had to do in PHP. Sounds like the routine helped you. So create your own routine, ask for help, and just keep doing the next right thing. I avoid any people, places or things that trigger me too, so if it’s a gas station, maybe you need a friend to be with you or you can find a gas station that has a lot of people and is less triggering? This addiction stuff is no joke and it’s hard, but it is also completely possible and you can do it. Keep your recovery circle strong and if you are struggling still, reach back out to your PHP program and tell them about the hard time you are having. You need as much support as possible right now. If I can do anything to help from online, I am here!