I've been sober, just over 6 months. I used to be drunk most nights after work until I quit. It took me a while to get myself to place where my sobriety stuck. I'd tried multiple times before. My question is that my spouse has remained on the same path I was on. What can I do, if anything, to help her? I know I cannot make the decision for her, nor would I want to. What's the best way to help a spouse who's still in the storm, especially when I am not even out completely myself? I find myself self isolating when she is drunk and I know that hurts her feelings at times. It's just so difficult to be around her when she is drunk because I fear for my sobriety as well as fights that often happen. It feels like a giant rift has formed between us. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you all.
Definitely a tough situation JB…. Have you guys gone to Al-Anon meetings? I would suggest you go together
Hang in there. Recovery comes first. The best way to show support is staying in recovery. In stillness there is comfort. Pause before any comments or action. Do something active vs. Isolating. No advice just much love.
Brother, first off, congrats on 6 months. You’ve done something incredibly difficult and you’re still here fighting.
What you’re describing hits home for many. When one person gets sober, it’s like the whole ecosystem shifts, and sometimes your partner isn’t ready to make that decision with you yet.
Right now, that might mean having some hard conversations about boundaries.
Maybe that’s leaving the room when she’s drinking, or staying somewhere else on nights when you know it’s going to be rough. It’s not abandoning her, like you mentioned it’s protecting your recovery so you can actually be present for her when she’s ready.
Have you connected with Al-Anon or any other support for partners of people who are still drinking?
Keep doing the next right thing. Sending strength
I have been attending AA meetings in my town. They've been a God send.
I am attending a meeting weekly. She does not wish to attend.
AA & Al Anon are going to be your best immediate support. Do you have a big book? It’ll help bring a lot of clarity. It’s hard- but you can do it! You’ve been through alcoholism, so you’ll know what she’s going through, and as long as you put your recovery first, you’ll be the best help to her. You got this.
I’d take care of yourself first before you address her issues. You’re no good to her if you’re sick. Then you can work together as a team. Slow and steady wins the race.