Someone whom i am extremely close with and has always been there for me and i have been there for him. For the 3rd time has pushed me away and fell off the wagon, this is very very hard for me cause normally i would turn to him for help but he is the reason im struggling right now and i really want to run out of the safety of my place and go so freaking high and drink just to numb this pain its way to hard to bare cause i have to turn my back on this person and walk away not only for my mental health but for the sake of my sobriety which i can not and will not jeopardize. Lord please give me the strength and courage to not turn back because he is forever lost in the darkness, and my light just isnt bright enough to save him i have tried and failed and this time almost brought me down. This is me letting go, walking away while a river of tears fall down my face and a broken heart inside my chest. In the end everything will be ok cause i had the strength to walk away even though the want and need to throw everything away and use was stronger then ive ever felt I WON I CHOSE MYSELF FIRST.
Hey its okay. Work your program and be a leading example. When they come back to reality when ever that may be they will see your progress as well as the distance you needed to get healthy. A friend once said to me “why should i respect you, when you dont even respect yourself” it hit me hard, hes a brilliant chef. People who want to get soper and stay sober need to want it. Some of us need to hit rock bottom before we change.
Thank you
Of course. What you are doing is healthy. It may sound selfish but early on in recovery you need to focus on urself and make sobriety your number one goal. Everything else will fall into place. Your a good person. Dont feel bad.
Thank you for your kind words, I'm trying to let myself feel this pain, I've hidden from pain for far too long with drugs and right now this pain is overwhelming cause it hurts really bad, and with this pain I will overcome and I will not fall, I will stand strong cause my sobriety is everything to me cause I fought way to hard to come this far and I will not throw that away.
This in a weird way reminds me of my brother and driving home from work just now thinking about all the times he was there for me when I was doing "OK" with my addiction. But how hard he brought me down when I was down. Years ago I always tried to get clean for everyone else. This time around it's for me.
True it always is better to do it for yourself, I did it for myself and I'm gonna keep doing it for myself. All I know is this pain will pass in time but it won't bring me with it cause I refuse to go down that dark road of addiction ever again.
This is the 4th time I'm starting the recovery process, 1st was therapy, than AA, the a combination of that and family/friend trying to help. 20 days in this time and I feel the best I've felt in over 20 years since high school. Before I was a Dry Drunk. The hardest part for me this time and I truly do think every one has different methods to this madness. Spending time by myself being productive is best for me. I even weed and cut my neighbors grass to stay busy.
To be honest I kind of got tired of everyone telling me they're they for anything I need and my all time favorite we understand what you're going through. I really do appreciate the kindness and know people care about me. But for me that doesnt help.
It’s not that you’re light wasn’t shining bright enough. You’re friends addiction is their own. I have a friend that I thought was never going to survive or become sober, and he did, and is thriving. I hope this happens for your friend one day. In the meantime, you just take care of you and reach out when you need to.
I know what you mean