I have lived with bad bouts of depression since I was a kid. For the first time in 35 years I am not abusing anything. No street drugs. No pills. No alcohol. Its the first time I have ever made 30+ days without doing that and I can barely get out of bed. I do, but its a battle. I am exhausted and my sleep medication, and my “just in case” sleep medication aren’t helping me sleep. This is not how I envisioned sobriety or being clean.
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After 30+ years. Its gonna take some time to even out as they say. Well i certainly hope so, i was so use to blacking my self out to sleep. That i still need some sort of assistance sleeping. I got into a good routine of not watching tv and listening to meditation or speaker. But I went through some tough stuff earlier this year and got back into watching tv a-lot. Staying up till 4am scrolling. To avoid my feelings. Recently I’ve evened out to passing out while watching tv and out a sleep timer. Im blessed to have some financial support and not have to work a 9-5. So i can rest. And its been a gift during my recovery.
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I have been on disability for 20 years. My sleep meds have always seem to run their course and need changed up through the years. When the insomnia is at its worst, the Vistaril, which is meant to be an aid to the main sleep medication doesn’t even work. It’s a vicious cycle right now. I want this clean and sober mind for so many reasons. It’s just coming with an extremely heavy weight hanging around my neck at the moment. The good news is, I am undefeated all time against the worst days of my life.
I get that. Felt like a battle for me too, so I can relate. It took a long time for my sleep to stable. Since you’ve used for a lengthy time they say it’ll take some time for you to readjust. It’s a tough spot, but it gets better. You deserve to be extremely proud for over a month sober. That’s huge!
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Thank you. I hit 50 days
today. There’s something about certain numbers that stand out to me. 50. 60. 90. 180. A year. My sleep is still all over, I recently had 4 days with no sleep, but I’m clean and sober so for now that’s what I care about.