I didn’t get my first sponsor until a month ago so I’m very new to actually working the steps.
I’d love advice on what are green flags you look for in a sponsor.
Since I’ve never had one before, I don’t know if some things in our dynamic that give me pause are part of the process/an opportunity to practice a new skill like patience/etc, or if it means I should look for a new sponsor.
Your thoughts and personal experiences are greatly appreciated!
Congrats! First off you want to try and find someone with more sober time than you. Usually a year or more. Second, you don’t want a pushover for a sponsor. You want that person to hold you accountable and call you out if you are not doing the work.
I am also on my first sponsor but I did a bit of research and interviews. Don’t be afraid to try a different direction if you aren’t happy. Your sponsor will understand and want you to be successful.
Good luck!
Stick with it an be honest
My sponsor had an energy about him that I wanted. He held me accountable and didn’t let me get away with trying to be lazy with the steps. He called me out on my bullish!t but did it in a way that was still respectful… he still does when I need it. He is honest and trustworthy.
Honesty. Someone who isn't trying to rush you through the steps, but makes a point to encourage you to make progress. Someone who shows up. Remember, sponsors are people too who have lives and their own daily battle with sobriety!
What I was told is look for a sponsor who you would want to model your life like. I chose my sponsor for her wisdom, strength, compassion, thoughtfulness, listening ear and her perspective on the world. Also, everyone’s different in what they need from a sponsor-some people like tough love and some rigidity while others (myself included) need a bit of a gentler approach. It all depends on what you respond to better, what you think is going to help you stay sober.
Find someone you can talk too and identify with. You can always change sponsors later. Best to get into the steps sooner than later. But basically for me I ask the question, do I want what they have? Calmness, confidence, kindness etc.