Sponsor Troubles

Struggling Help
#1

I celebrated nine months clean last month, and my network was there to celebrate with me—except my sponsor.

Over the past six weeks they have begun ignoring me or verbally abusing me, including telling me to “snap out of it” and simply attend more meetings when I attempted to take my own life a few weeks back.

The abuse happens mostly in private but increasingly around others, who shrug it off. I’m told everything I’ve done for my recovery is wrong—they have a “my way or no way” mentality I cannot subscribe to.

I am desperate to start my step work but know I need a new sponsor before then. I’m faced with two dilemmas: I have no idea how to find a new sponsor, and because my sponsor is so universally well-liked in my network, I’m terrified of how this will affect other relationships I have through the fellowship.

I can easily say every day I interact with my sponsor now is a day I am worse off emotionally and spiritually. There is need for immediate change. I’m just at a loss of how to effect that change and could use advice.

6 Likes
#2

I totally get it. It is pretty common to change sponsors, but it can be challenging.

What I had to do when I felt something similar to what you’re describing is remember that my sobriety was THE most important thing. I started looking into as many other meetings as I could find, that were not ones my current sponsor went to. Then I really paid attention to others shares and was honest about what I was going through in the meetings. I also prayed a lot for guidance and help to help me. I was able to find another sponsor I was able to complete the steps.

Prayeying for you. I know you will find what you need.

1 Like
#3

Find another meeting. I actually did not connect with the AA meetings so I started going to a CA meetings. They do not care what addiction you have an hour far less search mental then I found in other groups. I know coleader meeting on zoom every other week and go to a monthly meeting where some of the people are the same I love it.

#4

I feel for you, brother. You have to be as selfish in your recovery as you were in your addiction. If you were in AA, try NA - or vice versa. Dump your sponsor! Don’t put him on a pedestal - he obviously has other problems going on in his life, the way he is treating you.

1 Like
#6

Put God first and ask him to direct you

#7

9 months is great! Yeah, drop the sponsor. There are others, and for social interaction there are other places to make friends and not drink with them. I would check out the book Alan Carr's quit drinking without willpower, and see if that changes your needs. But bottom line, if someone isn't helpful or friendly then I would drop that person quickly and enjoy others.

#8

Ur doing amazing! Obviously they are NOT the right sponsor for u, ur supposed to have connection with them, they’re supposed to have ur best interest at heart, don’t give up looking for a sponsor thou. Ur person is out there, promise! Took me almost 3 1/2 years to find the right one for me. Good luck. :four_leaf_clover:

1 Like
#9

How did you find that meeting?

#10

Love the group. Focused on recovery from addiction… doesn’t matter what the addiction is!

#11

My neighbor spoke at one of their meetings on zoom and I watched and continued going. If you’re interested it’s 7 pm on Tuesday nights on zoom. I can send you the link.

#12

Yes please!

#13

Ok it’s called It’s About Time at 7 pacific standard
Zoom if 4741807500
I lead every other week and not next week but I’ll be there

#14

Thank you!!

#15

Look forward to seeing you. Say hi!