I'm putting into practice standing up for myself without fear.
Today I had an emergency and I had to reschedule an appointment for a house sitting gig I booked for september.
I let her know, and her reply was to cancel the booking. My impulse was to flip the f**k out on her and call her a slew of petty, ineffective insults, but I feared she would report me to the third party website I use for bookings.
My next thought was to call her insensitive and tell her that she shouldn't have canceled.
But then I realized I am not here to teach her a lesson about who she is or how she should have replied. It isn't my job to exert extra energy for other people to do the right thing.
Also, even if she agreed with me, there is a possibility I would feel uncomfortable working for her. Unless, of course, she agreed and apologized. Even then, I'm not so sure.
So as you can see, I had some reservations about that response.
Instead, I answered in a way that was more fitting to how I felt. I said, "I hope this never happens to you. Take care."
I know that was dishonest. But it was a step closer to saying what I actually wanted to say. It took care of the reservations I had and let her know she was insensitive in a different way.
Plus, i was a little threatening, and for whatever reason, that made me feel good. Energetically, but not in words.
It covered all of my bases.
Deep down, I know it's wrong to attach good feelings to bad thoughts, but she was the one in the wrong, so she deserves to feel badly about it.
I normally would have said, "Okay, no problem, fhanks!"
This was my way for the longest time and still is much of the time because it's easier for me to "keep the peace."
Also the phrase "you catch more flies with honey," comes to mind,
Sometimes, what goes around comes around. And I lost the gig anyway, so ultimately, at that point, the best I can do is hope she feels threatened and maybe even has this happen to her one day.
So the best response should have been "I hope this happens to you one day, take care."
I am writing this out right now because I want it out of my head.
I hate when people mistreat me. It sends my head spinning. I also hate when people don't do the right actions towards me.
I'm asking god to permanently remove my obsessions and fears and know how to handle situations that used to baffle me.