Starting over once again 
Why is it easier or seem easier for some to quit and not others?
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Time and again, I tried the easier softer way. I am a creature that avoids immediate pain through instant gratification. My failed times in sobriety were no different. When I surrendered to the process fully, miracles began to happen. It was only when I became fully willing, driven by a boatload of pain,that surrender was possible.
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It's not easy for anyone. Just surroundings and you just know when it's time. I'm 61 it took many years. I'm just tired of it. Want to end life well
In my experience quitting wasn’t the problem. Staying quit was/is my problem. The only solution I have found to staying quit is working a recovery program one day at a time. I couldn’t do it on my own. I tried over and over again only to humiliate myself and cause major damage to myself and loved ones. It’s very frustrating because in other areas of my life I can power thru with self will and determination. However, when it came to alcohol/drugs, I was so darn weak. I strongly recommend getting help and sticking with a daily program of recovery. You can get your life back and so much more