I’m starting over too. Woke up today just tired of hiding my drinking from my family. Secretly drinking during the day since I work from home. It really hinders my motivation. Woke up today and need to work, get stuff done. I’m fed up. Worst thing is trouble sleeping and the anxiety of worrying about my health.
I empathize and can feel the pain. I stumbled last night as well-slamming about six grams of ice over three hours And am struggling tremendously too. The guilt shame and remorse is strong. However, I did take a step in the right direction by calling a fiend for help and going to Er to ensure my health and life-scared of an overdose if that possible and irreparable damage to my mind body and spirit. Restarting The vicious cycle off using to the point of feeling like I deserve the pain I am in and completely don’t deserve a. Fulfilling life. I have hurt so many people countless times and they are So Undeserving of the Pain i cause, feeling like I don’t deserve their support i Try to push them away. I feel undeserving Of a healthy life, healthy and loving relationships and support. scared for my heath and feelings guilt for hurting the people I have left I attempt recover again with the resolve to honestly do the work and try doing things differently. The four or five times have attempted, i last the same mount of time-1 to 2 months. Then the craving. Ugh. I hate this disease. I hate this drug.
As difficult as it is, am I struggling with This too, try to show yourself compassion, talking to your self as if you are talking to a friend or your younger self. Work on forgiveness-forgive your self for being human and Fallible. Practice and show gratitude for those people and things still in your life. Learn from what happened and get creative and make a list of alternatives to using when triggered. All of these Things I need to work on and I say them to remind myself of the actions I need to take. In the past doing this stuff helped.
Calliope, i was forced by pain to STOP believing my addictive brain….you are good and you have a ruthless disease ….you have immense value here! Live it!!! Keith Kayle