I started very motivated to stop drinking. im very young, I shouldn’t feel like this. Today I actually opened my big blue book and found my sober date from 2018 and the first time I walked into a meeting. It’s sent me into a pit of sadness. I was only sober for 10 months that time around, and I feel like I’m in deeper shit than I was before. any second sober is unbearable.
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Your craving will definitely pass. Breathe, deep breaths. Play the tape back and remember why you quit. There's no feeling worse than picking up again. You'll feel a little better for a little while but drinking is a dead end.
Find a zoom meeting and say exactly what you just said. When they ask about a burning desire, speak up. If you don't have a sponsor, this is why you need one, moments like this. You're not alone! I just got out of my third treatment so I know what it's like to have those urges, and to act on them, and the bottom of a bottle is definitely not the answer.
Just hold on for a little while okay? This moment will pass I promise. You did the right thing sharing your thoughts! It sucks right now but you did the best thing you could talking about it. Just don't pick up no matter what and that's a win. Sending you all my positive energy, you can do this just for today. Just for today is a cliche but that's because it's true.
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It's okay to slip every now and then, we're not all perfect and im definitely not.. alcohol has costed me so much now, whatver you do breath deep and try again. 10 months is something to be very proud of, just remind yourself what consequences there are and how better off you can be without it.. right now im facing a few and it is not fun, on thin ice right now and I pray you wont ever be there too. Best of wishes and keep doing other things that you enjoy, dont give up! 
You can do this!! Though it may be true that each time coming back is harder, they are also easier. You have done it before, now you can again:)
As I tell folks it isnt the amount of setbacks that determine who you are. It is the number of times you get back on the road and keep moving. Relapses are not your defining moment. Don't worry about all of that, just worry about where you take your next step.
Santa Cruz, CA has TONS of young people in the evening meetings. Zoom on in!