Dealing with exhaustion, anxiety, a partner that's checked out, 2 kids, horrible isolation, mental health issues and trying to stay clean. I feel like I have alot on my plate, didn't plan on do it all on my own day and night and trying to entertain a 5 year old who is bored and been stuck in the house with baby and I. I can't get my meds regulated back to pre-pregnancy doses. Using sounds more and more appealing everyday, the struggle is real and I feel very lost at the moment..
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Hey Janay! Welcome to Loosid. I’m sorry to hear you are struggling. First thing is you gotta get stop and think that thought about using being appealing all the way thru. There’s a reason you stopped. If that poison you were putting into your body was truly making your life better, then you wouldn’t have stopped. That stuff will only make things worse and you, me, and every other alcoholic/addict knows it cuz we’ve tried to control it 1000 times before. We “always” end up in a dark hole wondering how in the heck did we get here again. Let’s not go there. When that thought pops into your head (and it will bc it does for all of us), stop and think where that “just a little” or “just one” is truly going to take you. So, what’s a better option? Have you tried any programs of recovery? I’m not sure what your experience with this illness is, but generally speaking you are going to need a lot of help and support to get thru this. Help is out there. Believe it or not, there are a ton of people out there that want to help. Personally I got to a 12 step program. Has completely changed my life. Others on here are working other programs. I hope you can get some help. It does sound like you have a lot going on. You and those kids of yours deserve better. Let’s go…
❤‍🩹
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You got this. God gives his toughest battles to the strongest soldiers. You never know how strong you are until the storm has passed. 
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Using is not going to help you, the kids, your depression… anything. You do have. A lot on your plate. I am sorry your partner checked out, that has to be difficult. I wish I had the magic words to make the stress lessen, but all I can say is this too shall pass. My wife and I had 3 in Three years… we didn’t sleep for almost 5 years. But we got through it. You can get through this. You are stronger than you think… I mean you are a life giver! That in its self is amazing. We got your back for what it is worth. But reach out to those closest for help if you need it.
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Hi Janay! I enjoyed playing with blocks, drawing, 'playing' music, and light cooking with my son when he was five. It sure sounds like you've got a busy life right now, and I would encourage you to enjoy the small moments; those kids grow up too fast for sure.
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Try to hang in there. Those kids need a sober mom and you deserve some help from your partner. I was single and had a two year old and four year old but not an infant. You might have some options in your community you are not aware. I see a number for postpartum support 800-944-4773 online. Have you tried calling the 211 number.
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It's really hard I've been in your position. Post partum is a real issue. Finding time for self care is critical but a conundrum with a checked out partner. Do you have any family that can take the kids for a few hours of respite? You can't do everything so focus on your health, sobriety, baby and 5 year old. Hugs.
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Yes hang in there! It’s going to be hard but so much relief when you’re whole again!
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Wow thank you so much for your support everyone, I honestly don't reach out much and it was much needed to hear and feel the support. It brings me back to why I joined the fellowship and got clean in the first place for sure. I know I don't want to give up the life I have rebuilt for myself and my kids so getting loaded now is not an option. This too shall pass, just need to stay on top of my mental health. Any suggestions out here in California, psychiatrist wise
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Glad you made it here. There is an army of good people here, all with an understanding and compassion of the struggles we share.
Yikes… you need to be taking care of these kids!
Wow! I have to say you’re an incredibly strong human! Give yourself some time to see you’ve made it through EVERY hard thing this far! You will again. For yourself first and then your babies.
One of my favorite quotes is “Be thankful you woke up this morning. Because 1 million people didn’t.” That in it’s is something to be grateful for! You got this. Feel free to message me anytime. We all need support. 
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Janay,
Welcome. Deeeeeeep breath, love. Seriously. Take a calm moment if you can. All the above advise is spot on. Using isn’t going to help and you know it in your soul. Check out Life Stance for online psychiatric and therapy resources and immediate appointments. They are great in a pinch. Love yourself a bit today and hug that little one. You are gonna make it through this. I promise…if you TRULY want to be clean, you will be. We are with ya!
How's it going today?