Staying Clean

Struggling Help
#1

I have tried to get and stay clean for years. I thought going to prison would do. Well, that was a NO. As soon as I got home I used. I was so disgusted with myself. Then a short time ago I went back to jail (yes I was still using. Multiple drugs) and I got clean again. Well, once again I was using.

I already lost my sons. (they don't want me in their lives) and if I keep going my daughter will be leaving also.

So it's been 4 days and I am so miserable! I would love to have my old life back. My 15 years of sobriety. I would love to have my boys in my life along with my granddaughter. But am I getting clean for the right reasons?

I'm looking for a sponsor but here where I live it's so hard. A lot of people don't understand “What's said at a Meeting stays at a Meeting”. And I have trust issues.

I know working on the steps is my fist step. But how do I work them without a sponsor? How can I trust myself to be honest with myself and hold myself accountable?

Sorry that this is so long. It's easier for me to talk to people behind a screen. :cry::broken_heart::broken_heart:

4 Likes
#2

Sounds like you already know what you need to do… I needed to find what it was that I thought was my higher power… find myself at my rock bottom and knowing the only way out was to make the hardest decisions… physically suffering through them..because using is easy, going back to where I was… homeless, jobless and alone was where I never want to be again. I hope and pray you find your way and the sponsor that can guide you… make it happen.

3 Likes
#3

Jen, I’ve time multiple times and continued to use. Until I got serious, got a sponsor and did the 12 steps to best of my ability. Then I was able to stop the madness! I sponsor.
I’ll friend request you now. Hit me up :call_me_hand:

1 Like
#4

You know I give you a mad credit because you’re speaking on it no matter how long it is or how you’re doing it you’re speaking on it that’s the one step that’s gonna help you get to where you wanna be another step is all you can do is focus on today. You don’t have to worry about tomorrow or it was happening yesterday. Stay in now and sometimes maybe find a sponsor online I can reach out to your inbox and send you my number and give you a zoom link of a meeting that’s 24 hours a day. All you do is login into it and there’s some sponsorships in that meeting that might help you I know as long distance and some people don’t do well with that, but it is something to help you until you do find somebody that’s close to your area, I wish you nothing but the best because I understand I’m struggling too and all that but I have a very good support system that is reaching out to me but also I’m reaching out to them and feel free to my phone anytime or I don’t mind I will respond as soon as I can

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#5

When at the end of the road we find that we can no longer function as a human being, either with or without drugs, we all face the same dilemma. What is there left to do? There seems to be this alternative: either go on as best we can to the bitter ends—jails, institutions or death—or find a new way to live. In years gone by, very few addicts ever had this last choice. Those who are addicted today are more fortunate. For the first time in man’s entire history, a simple way has been proving itself in the lives of many addicts. It is available to us all. This is a simple spiritual—not religious—program, known as Narcotics Anonymous.

2 Likes
#6

I tried to send you an inbox and I don’t know how I’m here I’m still new, so if you would inbox me, I can send you my phone number

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#7

They told me a long time ago, "work the steps or die mf",
they didn't sugarcoat it.
I have to get past small hangups like "those" people at mtgs. This is life or death. Treat it that way. Prayers for you, I've been exactly where you're at, do not give up, keep comin back no matter what.
Love you

2 Likes
#8

Hugs. Sometimes 12 step programs aren’t the only way to recovery. I believe in all pathways. As long as you do it and don’t do it alone. May I suggest some places? Virtual meetings. Virtual-na.org is a good place to start.

Also look up other recovery programs. There are MANY! Besides all the A!s. Have you considered a sober living to help you?

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#9

Come to the misfits meeting at 4pm any day of the week. It's at the Night and Day club in Willoughby. It's a great place, lots of sobriety and many sober women if you're needing a sponsor.

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#10

That would me amazing Mary. If you can do that I would be grateful. I live in a town where everyone knows everyone and your whole business. I wouldn’t mind a long distance sponsorship. It might work better then having one around me.
Thank you

#11

I might not be homeless but where I’m living I sometimes wonder if being homeless would be better. Both me and my child are so miserable being here but it’s a roof over her head and that’s what I have to remind myself. Trying to find a job is crazy. They always have an excuse why they can’t hire me. But I’m not giving up. Right now finding a job is a must.

#12

For a long time I wouldn’t go to NA. When I first got clean that’s were I started off at. And the meeting seemed to be a joke for most of the members. They didn’t want to get clean, they would use before coming, he’ll most of them were just going to get the courts off their backs. So I stopped going. I stayed clean. I was very lucky. For the first time in idk how many years I’m walking back into a NA meeting. They way I see it is New State, New people but we all have the same issues. We are all reaching for the same goal. I have faith that this will not turn out like what happened last time.

1 Like
#13

Idk how to inbox either. Lol

#14

I wish I could get out there. I don’t have a car.

#15

You don't need faith once you build a sober support system, right? I'll see if I know anyone out in the Pville area and let you know

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#16

Thank you so much. I guess you don’t. That’s just the thing I need to build a support system. One that will hold me accountable, one that I can’t trust.

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#17

15 years, tells me you know what to do. I was given the gift of desperation. I didn’t care what anyone else said or did. I clung to the program like my life depended on it, because it did.
Don’t find excuses. Just go to the meetings.

Put a 1/2 of the effort into sobriety that you put into getting loaded.

2 Likes
#18

Where you're from men sponsor women?

#20

Who are you asking?