Staying sober and staying single

Recovery
#1

If you're working "a program" it is suggested that if you started sobriety single that you should remain that way at least for the first year. I have never been single for a year! (Although in most of my toxic relationships I have felt alone while still in it) hmmm :thinking:
I am realizing as I do better for myself that I'm building a much grander idea of the next human I want to share my life with and I'm for sure setting some boundaries. As I sober up I view my worth on a whole new level and it's beautiful. Not going to lie though I'm hungry for affection and love but sitting without is for sure teaching me a lot about myself so for this I am grateful.

So I am curious on how you peeps out there felt and any insight you might have towards this topic. Thanks! Happy day to you.

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#2

You took the words right from my :thought_balloon:'s.
...of all tragedies on this earth, there is none more tragic than a person who cannot see their worth :white_heart:

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#3

just got out of a toxic relationship…absolutely no support through my recovery at all and, while I also value love and affection, this last go round has made me a tad gunshy. I will say that going through it sober has def. helped my boundaries and what I won’t tolerate. As far as “staying” single, Im ok now but it would depend if the right fit came along :blush:

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#4

This is a very strong subject for a lot of people, myself included. I think because if you want affection your instinct is to go and find it, however when you start your sober journey do you I even know myself enough to give of myself to someone? I was using booze for so long as a crutch, who am I now? Can I be alone with myself? I think I needed a really long time to myself to figure out who I was, how to navigate my new life, also how to deal with feeling lonely. I used to just hit the bars when I felt lonely, now what do I do? Its tough. Nothings written in stone just you know take care of yourself first.

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#5

I’m thinking that’s a good way to look at it. I personally ignored the one year advice, and paid for it.
I couldn’t help myself :persevere::laughing:

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#6

Imo ,as the addictive type people that we are, Mostly all of us use relationships as crutches. Wether that be , being enabled or the enabler. One must truly know and love oneself sober before one can share and love another. Some type of trauma usually is involved so be kind to yourself and others.

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#7

You put it so well!! Staying single for my first year of recovery was important to me. Being alone and isolated during COVID was the thing that sent my already problematic drinking into overdrive. I literally couldn’t stand being alone with myself and that’s not good. So if I can’t get comfortable with myself and find joy even in moments of solitude then I’m not going to be a healthy person in any relationship.
And like you said!! I have such higher standards for myself now! I have turned away so many opportunities for affection and attention this past year that my drinking self would have jumped right into. For the first time I feel calm and patient knowing a good person will come along and that I will be in a place emotionally to receive them.

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#8

I wouldn’t overthink or draw any lines in the sand at one year, ect., but do take some time for self-care and to let your brain recover so your thinking clearly so you don’t end up in a toxic relationship that causes you to relapse.

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#9

It doesn't say anywhere in the book to be single for a year. The problem is relying on the relationship instead of your higher power. As long as you are God reliant and not relying on the relationship for happiness and sobriety then it's ok. How is your relationship with God? That's the question to ask.

#10

Thanks for your reply. I can't disagree with ya. I love myself very much. Self hugs all day! :wink:

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#11

Thanks for the reply. My "god" is everywhere and everything and I'm happy with that. My sponsor makes some really great suggestions and I love her "god" for that. I was just curious on what others experiences were so thank you again for sharing :wink:

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#12

Cool post. Getting to know oneself in early recovery is what long term recovery is all about. Good for you. I’m 3 years in after a 36 year relationship and still learning. Never was single before. And yes, it’s a lonely path. Yet, full of rewards. Sanity makes it all worthwhile. Was married to an earth person and had many years sober before. Raised children and built a family with a few relapses in between. Last relapse did it in for me. Grateful for my children now and their children. It’s all in my God’s hand now. Only one will and it sure isn’t mine. Mine gets me insane and in trouble. Hope you find a balance in life now. It’s worth the wait.

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#13

H*ll yeah, rise sister rise :raised_hands:

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