Step 9....When is appropriate or should you ever come clean

Recovery
#1

Step 9....When is appropriate

1 Like
#2

It's pretty clear on this one ... "Except when to do so would injure them or others.”

Sometimes the amends is wanted selfishly and those I tend to avoid.

4 Likes
#3

The saying goes The Truth Shall Set You Free. I'm not a big AA 12 stepper. AA has nothing to do with it. Were you raised to apologize when you did something wrong and can you live with yourself without apologizing. I don't go in for that higher power. I believe in the Bible and Christ Jesus can you face Him?
Only you can answer that. :pray:

#4

I like AA but I believe people need the truth regardless, or they'll never get that closure they need. It's my opinion but that's why I asked what to do.

#5

Not if you are divorced and will just cause more hurt. It's never okay to make amends at others expense just to alleviate guilt.

6 Likes
#6

Seems selfish to come clean with something that the other person doesn't know that you know will hurt them even more just to make yourself feel better.

2 Likes
#7

That’s what death beds are for. Otherwise proceeding at risk of injuring them is likely to end badly but everyone is different

#8

I was just asking. Getting opinions, never was going to do. I was just asking. But thanks for all the opinions and thoughts.

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#9

Hi Jeff...I was taught this from my sponsor many many years ago. If you have a desire to make amends to someone that will cause that other person unnecessary pain, write your amends down to get it off your chest.. then burn that piece of paper. Remember making amends shouldn't hurt the other person just to make US feel better.

Have an amazing day!

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#10

I don't know the details but what happens if she finds out anyway?
How would you feel if it was reversed?

#11

I never make an amends to anyone without first checking in with my sponsor. And I also make all the amends that my sponsor tells me I need to make. It’s important to have guidance during this step. We are in danger of making amends for selfish reasons, reaching out to people we shouldn’t contact again, or skirting responsibility when it is required.
Nothing is worse than making an incorrect amends, and then having to make an amends for the amends:)
Having a sponsor you can trust who displays spiritual fitness with a clear working knowledge of the 12 steps is clutch!!!