I recently started methadone treatment for my struggles with fetynal . I have been clean since the second month I started I take my sobriety so seriously. At the end of my addiction I wasn’t using to get loaded or high I used to be able to stay “well” because I was already fully addicted and if I didn’t use daily I would be sick . I have 5 kids and at the time I was a single mother 0 helps from their fathers . And always had a full time job so I had things to do. My point is getting clean and staying clean is not an issue for me . The methadone allows me to move through my day without feeling like death . We’ll my first clinic I ran into the rudest doctor and at the end of my time with him there came up a positive drug test with no explanation because I have been clean and have not used a thing in 5 months going on 6
We’ll I was told that I had to ask myself how the drug got into my urine . And basically made out to be a liar . I am struggling with the feelings of guilt even knowing I didn’t relapse . and the drug that was supposedly positive for I have never heard of and never ever taken in my life let alone seen any versions of it I even went through my entire house just to make sure I didn’t have this medication they said I tested pi’s for…
I have since changed clinics because it’s not the first time I have had issues with the doctor and I mainly move about quietly and mind my business I don’t get wrapped up in relationships at the clinic or drama . I was just getting my take homes and he dropped my dose in half and took my take home as well as restarted my clean time and program so I had to start all over again. I have been feeling terrible withdrawing really badly since the drop in my dose . Greatfully my new clinic is taking me back up and I will have my take homes within a week of me being in the new clinic…
When will the guilt of being an addict stop?! Even tho I know and god knows I did. Not use I still feel like I messed up. Getting knocked back in my treatment and feeling sick again however has really made me push my chest out because I am very serious about my recovery it’s life or death for me. And I chose life everyday . I choose me and my kids and my husband I choose sobriety everyday . ..
Thank you for listening .
Taking it minute by minute step by step