So I'm prescribed an ADHD medication and I really shouldn't take it bc I tend to abuse it by taking extra pills. Then when I run out early I feel like S@&$ for days and it reminds me of my meth days. The problem is.... I have been using since I'm 14 some substance or another, I'm 43. If I tell my Dr I can no longer b prescribed this medicine I will officially have NOTHING in almost 30 years. That scares the S#@& out of me. I'm on Suboxone but that doesn't full this hole that having something to hold onto does. I'm worried though bc everytime I take these pills I see myself reverting bk to my old self. Living a life w nothing to fall bk on scares me to death though. Any suggestions..
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Listen to your heart. 
It already knows what you need to do. "I'm prescribed an ADHD medication and I really shouldn't take it..." If you haven't already, look up Wellbutrin for ADHD. My son takes it and he says it works far better for him than Concerta did. Good luck!
Try a recovery program like Celebrate Recovery to get support with women who are working the steps struggling together and getting the help y’all deserve and need.
Doctor Gabor Mate has a fascinating book out on ADHD (which he also has) its called Skattered Minds ...the origins of and how to heal ADHD. I find his work absolutely fascinating...if yr able to look up the book there's a way to read chapter 1 for free...he also gives many talkes on utube...I hope that he helps you as he has absolutely helped me!!! 
Being dishonest with your doctor is never a good idea. There’s really no way they can help you if you’re not honest with them.
It would be like taking your car to the mechanic not telling them it’s broken But expecting them to fix it.
Do you have a sponcer? This would be something I would definitely run past them. Maybe they can help you with some kind of accountability by with your ADHD meds
Any mind altering substance will keep you there. Sobriety you can finally fall back on life on life’s terms. Surrender! I started using cocaine at 16 stopped when I was 49 I understand completely what you are saying I’m 9+ years now