So I've been going through a lot of stress lately and sht and I'm starting to get cravings for 
(I am 3Yrs Clean Btw) But Everyone keeps testing my patience. Including My Fiancé, Every F**kin' day, I'm The Issue, I'm The A-Hole Etc, Etc. And Ngl Last 3days I've Been Drinking (Only Got Drunk 2 of those days) And I am sick of everyone telling me I'm a A-hole Etc. Even though I am the one everyone always screams at. Plus My Fiancé Lately has been mid-key treating me more like I'm his "suger daddy" than a love partner. I am afraid to leave because everytime I Say "I'm going to leave you" he says he's "going to off him$3lf"and then I tried a few times saying "Sould I call And Report You For A MentalHealth Arrest?" And It's lead to threats followed by smashing & Breaking sht. And Narcissistic Tears Which I Foolishly always fall for. And I Was So Tempted A Few Mins Ago To Say "The Way You Treat Me Is Why I Been Drinking the past 3 days and am craving Rn" Which I Know Is Extremely Fked Up. But All the yelling etc, keeps triggering my PTSD And Fueling My Panic Attacks Daily. Idk If It's Because Of Him Or The Cannbs? If It's The Cannb*s Then I'm Scared Because I Used To Smoke It from a young age up until late last year and Never Heard or seen this before (He Get's His MJ From A Legit Dispo) But Everyone I Just Don't Know Anymore......I Just Don't
First off being in narcissistic relationship is always gonna triggér you to do anything that helps you escape.
Honestly I know you may not want to hear it.
But the best thing you can do is break yourself away from that.
I was in one of them relationships for 5 years and had a child with him.
And he threatened to off himself too.
But he loves himself too much so the only person that is going to end up offing their selves in the end will be you.
He will never get better your life with him will never get better only worse.
And always breathe for yourself, talk with your higher power and go to a meeting.
You have support right here on this group
Bro, you sound like you’re about to go off the deep end. I’m going to try and turn your attention off the problem and into the solution. If you sit in all that sht much longer, you’re going to go back the only way you know how to deal…numb and run.
You got clean a few years ago. How did you manage to stop and stay stopped?? Did you go get help? Did you try any recovery programs? What worked for you. Life is always going to be “lifey”. We gotta do the work on ourselves daily to prevent all this s life sht from building up and becoming overwhelming. I guess what I’ll trying to say is I highly recommend you find a daily recovery program before it’s too late