So I've been going through a lot of stress lately and sht and I'm starting to get cravings for 
(I am 3Yrs Clean Btw) But Everyone keeps testing my patience. Including My Fiancé, Every F**kin' day, I'm The Issue, I'm The A-Hole Etc, Etc. And Ngl Last 3days I've Been Drinking (Only Got Drunk 2 of those days) And I am sick of everyone telling me I'm a A-hole Etc. Even though I am the one everyone always screams at. Plus My Fiancé Lately has been mid-key treating me more like I'm his "suger daddy" than a love partner. I am afraid to leave because everytime I Say "I'm going to leave you" he says he's "going to off him$3lf"and then I tried a few times saying "Sould I call And Report You For A MentalHealth Arrest?" And It's lead to threats followed by smashing & Breaking sht. And Narcissistic Tears Which I Foolishly always fall for. And I Was So Tempted A Few Mins Ago To Say "The Way You Treat Me Is Why I Been Drinking the past 3 days and am craving Rn" Which I Know Is Extremely Fked Up. But All the yelling etc, keeps triggering my PTSD And Fueling My Panic Attacks Daily. Idk If It's Because Of Him Or The Cannbs? If It's The Cannb*s Then I'm Scared Because I Used To Smoke It from a young age up until late last year and Never Heard or seen this before (He Get's His MJ From A Legit Dispo) But Everyone I Just Don't Know Anymore......I Just Don't
First off being in narcissistic relationship is always gonna triggér you to do anything that helps you escape.
Honestly I know you may not want to hear it.
But the best thing you can do is break yourself away from that.
I was in one of them relationships for 5 years and had a child with him.
And he threatened to off himself too.
But he loves himself too much so the only person that is going to end up offing their selves in the end will be you.
He will never get better your life with him will never get better only worse.
And always breathe for yourself, talk with your higher power and go to a meeting.
You have support right here on this group
Bro, you sound like you’re about to go off the deep end. I’m going to try and turn your attention off the problem and into the solution. If you sit in all that sht much longer, you’re going to go back the only way you know how to deal…numb and run.
You got clean a few years ago. How did you manage to stop and stay stopped?? Did you go get help? Did you try any recovery programs? What worked for you. Life is always going to be “lifey”. We gotta do the work on ourselves daily to prevent all this s life sht from building up and becoming overwhelming. I guess what I’ll trying to say is I highly recommend you find a daily recovery program before it’s too late
I’m really glad you posted this instead of picking up. That matters.
Three years clean tells me you know how to fight for yourself. But nothing.. not stress, not yelling, not relationship chaos.. is worth losing your sobriety over. That’s yours. That’s sacred.
From what you described, it sounds like you’re in an environment that keeps your nervous system on high alert. Of course your PTSD and panic are flaring. That doesn’t automatically mean you’re the problem. It means your body is reacting to instability.
Before trying to solve the relationship or figure out if it’s the cannabis, I’d focus on protecting your sobriety and your mental health first. You deserve peace. You deserve safety. And you deserve support that doesn’t come with threats or intimidation.
You’re in the right place. Keep talking. Don’t isolate. One steady choice at a time. 
I’ve felt that same kind of pressure testing my sobriety too. The stress, the drinking sneaking back in, feeling like the bad guy no matter what. That’s something a lot of us in recovery know too well. You’re not the names they call you. You’re someone fighting hard to stay clean, and that’s not small.
I know when my peace started slipping, it was time to fight for me again, even if that meant letting go of what felt familiar. Took me a while to see that I wasn’t the problem I was just stuck in a situation that kept making me question my worth.
Do you have anyone you can call who’s been through recovery? That helped me when my head was loud. You could start by adding some guys in the app. Just talking to someone who’s walked this can shift everything.
And hey, the support’s here anytime. Seriously. Not just the app, but the people in it.
I have a quote that I live by and I think it might help you! Hang on for: 1 more hour 1 more minute 1 more second
Honestly you need to be clean off everything, go to 90 meetings in 90 days, listen at meetings, get a phone list, call people on the phone list, get a sponsor, read to page 107 in the NA blue book ,work the steps with a sponsor
Dear Johnathan - I am so proud of you for your 3yrs and your AA… In my past I made it 3yrs and 2 weeks - and I too began to drink again. We are only human and humans are not perfect and we definitely make mistakes… I believe in you that you can find Sobriety again! I have hit 56 weeks in my second bought of sobriety. It is all in our heads - “can I do this” , “I want to do this”, “I can find self strength”, and never forget each day is an accomplishment” 
I am sorry to hear of your relationship troubles… I have similar feuds, nothing broken (yet) it is heartbreaking to go through episodes such as what you’ve described. I know the downing feelings and the pain in your heart , the horrible aches… I think to leave and start over - yet I can afford to 
I’m not the best at giving advice, but I’d say if this has been an ongoing struggle wi to your partner, you would be so much better with out their put downs and the frightening experiences they put you thru.
I wish you the best - and never forget , we all make mistakes…
Sending big hugs from Maine 🫶🏼
Sobriety has to be the number one priority over everyone and everything. With sobriety and emotional sobriety/stability I got and continue to get from practicing the 12 steps, I calmly walk through the shiiittt storms of life. Also I don’t put up with people who don’t have respect or emotional stability.
I’m here if you want to talk