Don’t give up! I know exactly how you feel cuz baby I was there, but I knew I had to live for my kids and grandson, I knew I had to get help! And I did! Try to see if you can go get you some help! You’re worth it! Praying for you!
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This makes me so happy, I was sober for 4 years got married had a beautiful little girl, a great career, new house...all the things that people would look at and say that I finally got my stuff together and the I have no reason to go back. Well I went back and overdosed from fentanyl within a couple weeks and still kept going. Hiding it for months until my wife caught me snorting some off the bathroom counter. I really was at the point that I wanted to get caught. I went to treatment for the first time in my life, (always got sober in prison or jail), my wife told me she was taking my daughter and I wasn't welcome home. No grace at all. I wanted to end my life so bad. I told her I love you and she said don't ever say it again because it makes her blood boil. I would sit in group with a hoodie on detoxing my behind off and crying then panic attacks then crying. It was horrible. Someone told me I just lost my purpose and need to find it again to gain hope and I did. I prayed and it was revealed to me that I'd be an amazing father and husband and help other people with my story. Well about three weeks away from a year sober now and I have everything back and I am doing just that, being everything that was revealed to me and more. H.O.P.E. = Hold On Pain Ends. Keep fighting. It gets better. It's a lot of adversity and work but God uses those things to shape us into His image. We will never be perfect and will constantly fall short but He loves us and will never leave us. Please get the help you need! ❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹
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If you work hard to get and stay clean, that gives you a reason in and of itself to live. Turn to people you can lean on and trust.
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Please get some help for depression. Severe depression will make you suicidal and alcohol makes it worse for sure. If you want to die go to the hospital and tell them that and they will help you. I survived a suicide attempt. You don’t want to go through that. Going to the hospital is easier than what I went through. And I regretted doing what I did.
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I care. 
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Keep reaching out for all the help and support you can get. I know that for me I have to do therapy once a week, be on an antidepressant and I work the steps with my sponsor and have a home group that is very supportive.
We need people around us that understand and that will love us til we can better love ourselves. Sending all my healing vibes your way:heartpulse:
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Someone once told me that if we gave into our suicidal thoughts and left this world during active addiction, we’d be killing the wrong person. Continue to ask for help, use your resources and I’m here if you want to chat!
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Someday you’ll help other women get sober. Don’t deprive them of that. You’ve got this!
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Hang in there. Your not alone lots of folks on here been thru it or going thru it reach and talk to people. Your already doing it
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I'm sorry you felt this way. I do hope your better now
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Victoria your name alone is reason to want to push on. I don’t know you. But do you have children a mother that loves you a father that cares, friends that worry about you. Heck even a dog that’s happy to see you. Like I said I don’t know you but surly you have a reason. If you had no friends. You do now if you need someone to talk to hit me up I don’t know everything but I’m empathetic to all and I cast no judgment I promise.
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Keep fightin chica. I’m not even a week sober I know exactly how u feel I felt the same way just yesterday. Those feelings pass n I know for a fact the world would be a better place with u for those who know u. Just showin some luv n support. Stay safe.
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You should maybe take a time-out, a NICE treatment center if not a hospital. I have never regretted doing so. Distance yourself from day to day responsibilities and worries so you can focus on you. The very best of us can feel dragged through life. Don't change your heart, just your outlook. Asking for faith was crucial to me.
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I was there, too. I was fighting myself for 47 years until I surrendered. I've been at peace ever since. If I can do it, so can you.
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Don’t give up! 
Thank you for being honest, I too struggle with debilitating depression and anxiety though through it all one word kept and keeps me going. “POSSIBILITY” the possibilities are endless when life is chosen. I found a little twist in thinking helped me; I try to see the big choice of doing the hard work of choosing life and LIVING versus the choice of being a victim of circumstance and life which inevitably causes a death that will haunt the ones that live you as a precious of endless and abundant opportunity.
Currently, I am clawing my way back to living purposeful, sober life as person I was intended to be after approximately 18-24 months of active addiction, a depression i never knew existed with anxiety that paralyzed even the most basic functions. On Monday I am going to my second rehab and I fu€king can not wait. It’s an opportunity to reacquaint myself with my higher self and show up to my life as though it were my d@mb birthday party! I get to learn and grow. In the darkness I see life as a sentence, full of suffering, hurtful people and pain. I getting the opportunity to find the light in which I want to live and within myself to lite this b!tch up see the beauty in the grotesque and gift that life truly is. I get to practice compassion, understanding and, if I am lucky, I get to help people. As someone who has survived their favorite person in the world not choosing life, witnessing the aftermath of that choice, I could never knowingly inflict that pain on a single living thing. You matter to people, people that may even surprise you! You are an inspiration and the universe chose you to be here-You have a purpose. That purpose, sometimes, isn’t ours to figure out and know-but I learned if I do and think with smart feet and act as my higher self would, my purpose will find me. Hang tough, keep fighting the only fight that matters. 