Struggling with my family and trying to get them to consider going to Alanon meetings. I’ve been sober 30 years and my biggest concern about my family is that I’m the only one in recovery and they all need help for their codependent behaviors. Anyone have any suggestions?
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I too have asked my family to explore alanon. They don’t have willingness yet. It’s hard for me to blame them since it took me decades to become willing to enter recovery.
1 thing I did do, is to dispel the notion that they “already know” what those meetings will be all about.
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Thank you!
Good morning Kevin! (Great name by the way) congrats on 30 years!
I too had struggled with a few of my family members. My dad is one of them. I want to fix him so bad in early sobriety. In my experience it’s an uphill battle trying to get others to do something. We just have to plant seeds in their heads by doing the following;
- Continue to work our program
- Be kind and loving
- Share our experiences with them.
- Make suggestions and not demands.
That’s all I can think of right now.
I can say that with my dad, I’ve stopped telling him what to do and started showing what I’m doing be examples.
I’m here Kevin if you want to chat.
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Thank you, Kevin!
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I need some suggestions as well. I would love for my family to go to Alanon but they aren’t willing. Most of them have addiction problems themselves. They are in denial just like I was. I’m hopeful and will be there for them when they come around 
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Welcome!
We must keep praying for our loved ones as well as those in and out of the rooms. I do believe that prayer is a powerful tool we don’t use enough. I’ve prayed for some pretty tough stuff and the outcome was just what was needed. I’ll pray for you and your family. Love ya sis!
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Thank you Kevin
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Welcome 
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Thank you for your extensive work with families and addiction.
If anyone needs help with this be sure to reach out to Kevin!
Additionally, I am thinking about doing a special Zoom with Kevin for anyone who is interested in dis issuing the family component.
Please let me know your thoughts!
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I’d be honored!
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Hi Kevin! First, big congrats on your continuous sobriety! I can share a little about my experiences in hopes it can help. My wife tried a few Al-Anon meetings and hated them. My kids are 22 and 20. As I began to heal thru working the steps with a sponsor, going to meetings, going to my own therapy, it became very clear that if I needed to find help for my wife. I had built a strong support group, and she had nobody to talk to that could relate to her. My 22 year old has been in therapy for a few years, and is doing well. My 20 year old has been resistant, but is now willing to go to therapy.
The stigma and bs that surrounds addiction is a serious road block. We have taken the approach of just working on our mental health and improving our every day lives. Unfortunately, this is not free like Al-Anon and other 12 step programs. I’ve turned them on to podcasts, and other wellness literature to broaden their perspective on taking care of their mental health. They seem more receptive to this than centering it around addiction/codependency, or any other label. It’s more about mindfulness (awareness), and practicing some daily self care rituals. My family is very fitness/athletic oriented. It’s no different than going to the gym or other physical training or workout. It’s just that this training/workout is for their mental health. In the end we know that it’s something they have to want for themselves. If they think they are fine and don’t need it, all you can do is pray and wait patiently for them to want it. I know it’s painful to watch loved ones struggle.
I’m definitely up for a zoom call to discuss things further. We are all here to help 
Hi Kevin! Wow! 30 years, that’s so awesome!! In my time in sobriety, I have learned that we can’t make anyone else do something, but we can certainly model the behavior. A little of my story, I got sober at 21, then relapsed after a year, and then tried again at 28. When I was 21 my pa was drinking heavily and slowly throwing his life away, he says that seeing me be able to do it encouraged him when he was finally ready. When I got sober at 28, I had his example to look to to know that I could do it. He had created a new life and new relationships that I wanted. If we hadn’t seen the other accomplishing something new I’m not sure that either of us would have made it. Now we support each other in recovery. Just keep doing what you’re doing, talk about the breakthrough, and the community you have found. If they are ready they will seek out help. Families are tough, we love them deeply, but still cannot save them.
What a wonderful topic. Thank you for suggesting a zoom meetup. I would be very interested in going!
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I just watched 6 Balloons. A not so subtle metaphor for the danger of codependency.
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Co-dependency no more is a great read if you are a reader. I suffer from co-dependence as much as addiction. They have free support groups here as well. Very helpful. Those groups generally run in places that run many meetings at once. Just food for thought. Take good care!
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I love all of her books! I just can’t get my family to read them
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You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink! Same problem with my kids. They will on their time. Serenity prayer always helps me with this angst. Stay well and hang in there!