Struggling

Mental Health
#1

Went to a residential program and spent 35 days there. Graduated the program and had to turn myself in for a warrant when I got out. Spent 13 days in jail and got out yesterday.

Found out 5 days into jail that my wife had been cheating and was filing for a divorce after 20 years together.

I seriously don't want to drink or do blow but I'd be lying if I said i didnt have major cravings at the moment.

It's messing with my anxiety and I went to pee for probation today and couldn't go, even though im clean and had to pee.

I'm considering checking back into treatment for fear of not being able to pee on my next test.

Am I losing my mind?

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#2

Tyler. I’m proud of you for graduating your treatment program. I’m proud of you for coming in here and talking. I’m proud of you for wanting to go back into treatment. I think it’d be a good idea for you to go back into treatment. Just from your statements. Keep coming in here. Keep talking it out. I wish you nothing but the best brother. Keep sharing.

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#3

Thanks for your comment Bill.

Just not feeling the best these days. 20 years of drugs, alcohol and codependency all gone in less then 2 months. I'm feeling more than I've ever felt and not sure how to deal with it all.

I'm thinking about taking your advice

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#4

You are not losing you6 mind at all.we are here for you. Thank you for being here and sharing. I too am going through relationship issues. I also lost my husband last year and my Mom and best friend 2 years ago and it's so hard because they were my support system.

#5

You’ve had to carry a lot in a short amount of time, and your body’s just trying to keep up.

That kind of pressure can twist your thoughts, but it doesn’t mean you’re going backwards. If going back into treatment gives you room to breathe, I’d take it.

There’s no shame in getting support before any type of spiral starts. If all you can do today is stay sober today, that’s still a win. Don’t let your mind trick you into thinking you’re behind. You’re still in this. That counts.

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#6

Sorry I wasn't back sooner Jami. Thanks for the kind words and I'm sorry you went through all of that.

I actually went back to probation and was able to go! Lol.

Feeling much better these last couple days. Relying heavily on family and AA. I find a lot of peace in those rooms.

Wishing you the best in your journey!

#7

Thanks Chrissy! So appreciate the comment.

I'm feeling much better today. I find staying busy certainly helps keep my mind off of things. I am 51 days sober today and I am so serious about my recovery.

Just want to gain back my self confidence and self esteem. My relationship was so toxic and I'm honestly seeing the light on the other side.

#8

Tyler! It’s incredible you’re able to be honest with what you’re going through on this app. You’ve been through a lot; it’s understandable you’re having cravings! There’s nothing wrong with checking yourself back into a program, if you don’t, you can dive into meetings and find community and support there! It’s so great you’re honest with what you’re going through, you’ve got this!

#9

Thanks Jessa!

I'm finding that being honest is one of the things that keeps me sober. I've held so much in for so long. It's been a very emotional 52 days of sobriety, but the AA community has been very helpful.

This app has been really awesome to read and chat. It gives me a sense of belonging and makes me feel much less lonely!

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