Struggling

Recovery
#21

Good morning. When I first started recovery I heavily got into zoom meetings because it was in the middle of the pandemic. I was faithful to two groups. When I hit my 6 months I was asked to share my story, which I nervously did but of course someone criticized what I did so that made me feel very uncomfortable. I did stay with this group but at 1 year I was pressured to start running a meeting. I wasn’t comfortable with this and I kept stalling. Then I had medical issues but was told by the “head” of the meeting that I should make the meeting my priority and schedule my appointments by them. Being new I of course asked my counselor and he said they have no right to do that it’s not a job. I decided I was going to tell them that I cannot commit to that and that I also will not run a meeting. Well the attitude of a few people changed towards me and I decided it was time to leave. Now I spent over 1 year with these people and not one of them had ever reached out to me. They say we are always here. Well they weren’t. Then it happened at another meeting so I really got turned off by zoom. Don’t get me wrong I made some amazing friends and we do keep in touch but we all left the meetings. Why preach that they are there for you when they really aren’t. Unfortunately because of health I haven’t been able to go to inperson meetings. I still don’t have a sponsor and I have never worked the steps but I am still going to be 33 months sobriety. None of this made me ever pick up a drink. Never. To me IF you want to stop you can stop no excuse. I do have an amazing recovery team, recovery coach and amazing recovery friends that I met through my Early Recovery Meeting. Maybe this doesn’t make sense but point being I don’t enjoy the fact that they preach unity and they will help you but most don’t follow through. But bottom line is through all this I DID NOT DRINK. Believe me I had reasons to a few times.

I think my point is IF you really want to stop there is medication that can help you with that and people to reach out to. I wish you the best and hope you find sobriety. I lost my brother to this alcoholism and let me tell you his death was so hard to watch. Think before you drink. Life is worth living.

2 Likes
#22

Wow, thank you Nancy for sharing. Your experience mirrors the things I’ve seen. Very glad you’ve stayed sober for 33 months!

1 Like
#23

Me too because I don’t want to die like my brother. Please stay strong and do whatever it takes. My first two years I was on campral and it really helped. I will pray for you. Reach out anytime. :heart::pray:

1 Like
#24

Hi. 21 years sober. Unfortunately last 10 where pretty much dry drunk. I drifted aways due to similar circumstances. I have now decided to return very slowly and with guard up. I am here if you need to chat

3 Likes
#25

Dude, I was in and out of those rooms for years and it didn’t stop me from drinking and I agree some of those lifers are whacked! Some of the people in aa need that atmosphere to stay sober and that’s great, I’d rather see someone all f’d up on religion or aa than on alcohol or drugs and for the most part, if you don’t walk in a room they don’t bother anyone. With that said I guess for me, I finally just said enough, I’m done! 15 months now w/o a drop. My gf and all my family and friends drink, they can, without issue, I can’t, so I don’t. I’m happier now than I’ve been my whole life. I decided I wasn’t powerless over it. That I and I alone was the only one that could decide that for me. I made the choice to drink and I make the choice to not! I educated myself as to the effects of alcohol and my body and mind. It’s a total mind f@&ck dude. It’s tough because your mind is very powerful but with persistence, education and time, it’s possible. There is a lot of info out there about the effects of alcohol on the mind. Education was my best friend in my effort to stop. Best of luck dude! :v:t3::sunglasses:

1 Like
#26

I’m a active AA member and have experienced all the behaviors you’ve noted above. The steps are there to keep us from killing our selves and the traditions are there to prevent us from killing each other. Meetings that don’t follow the traditions of AA nearly always end up in the mess you’ve experienced. If you believe in the AA program but lost faith in the group, my suggestion is to either find a group that follows the traditions (no religion, clicks, recovery focused only) or grab a coffee pot and start one that is. Remember that all of us in any recovery program are sick people, sponcors, members and me, so these things happen. Even though we feel like a cult we aren’t, it’s actually s brain washing club and I came in with a dirty brain that needed a good washing and still does a few times a week.

4 Likes
#27

Man listen, that’s the best thing I’ve ever heard from an AA person. I needed to hear someone active acknowledge all of that. The truth is I made a lot of close relationships in a couple of groups, and I needed that connection to stay sober. So I decided to try again. I’ve been to 4 meetings in the last 5 days, and calling a close (non-toxic, cool) friend every day. Of the 4 meetings, 2 are ones I had only been to a handful of times over the years. I didn’t feel triggered emotionally in those meetings. One I was triggered big time. It was my old home group, where an old timer shamed me publicly. That’s just one in a number of things with that (and two other groups). So I’m gonna stay away from those groups and stick with a rotation of the two new ones. Look, I know people are sick in all groups, but I feel like with a fresh start I can prioritize my recovery again. I liked what you said about the brain needing washing. I really appreciate it man.

2 Likes
#28

Your welcome, if the old timers remember reading tradition 9 and practice that principle, then there wouldn’t be the problem. If you have a moment it’s a good read in the 12/12 but at the same time we need to be a ducks back at times🤷‍♂️ it’s a fine Line. I hope you find peace and recovery in a program or several.

1 Like
#29

I’ve been to meetings that if it were the only one I’ve been too, I would have had a negative outlook on AA. But I found some really good ones. Then asked those men what meeting is good on this night, or that night. And it’s been trial and error for me. Now I have places on any night of the week where I know have good structure, good people, etc. But to each their own.

1 Like