Struggling

Recovery
#1

Hi all. I was active in AA for about 9 years and was mostly sober during that time, years at a time, with some brief relapses. But over the last two years I have seen too much toxicity, ego, stunning hypocrisy, shaming, dogmatic rigidity, and personally was hurt by two sponsors. I have a history of trauma with religion, and AA now feels like a cult. About a year ago I lost all faith in it, like losing one’s faith in religion. I’ve tried to go back a few times, but it’s not the same. I can’t un-know now what I know. And btw, these dynamics exist across multiple groups. It’s systemic to their culture itself.

So, I’m saying this to say I started drinking when all this happened, and over the last year+ I’ve drank more than I ever have in my life, even before AA. I’ve read from other former AA people to not drink with a head full of AA, because they teach you that they are the only way to get and stay sober. I don’t want to drink, but I’m a single empty-nester, and the evenings at home are the toughest. I’ve done some SMART recovery meetings, which I think are very valuable and helpful, and I downloaded this Loosid app. I still have some good friends that are really good people in recovery (still active in AA). I know basically what I need to do, but I wanted to post this message to the Loosid community as just a way to connect, not just to ask for advice on other programs (I know some about a few of them), and also not just to see if anyone has had similar AA experiences (although that is welcome), but primarily as a way to reach out for support. Thanks for reading.

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#2

AA wasn’t a good fit for me. I took a different approach. Good ole will power. I decided that I wasn’t powerless over alcohol. I took the power back. I didn’t need meetings, steps or a group of people to give me positive reinforcement.

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#3

Thanks for the reply. SMART Recovery is all about that.

#4

I still have to look into that. Haha. But I figure if it’s not broke…. I’m not going to fix it.

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#5

Volunteer at night or on the weekends if you have too much time on your hands. There are so many organizations that need help and you get a lot of satisfaction.

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#6

Very good point. Thanks

#7

Hey man when you get home and are bored or Linley hit one of us up to talk. We can all use the support

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#8

I am in AA and my group is very mixed with people who look to God as their higher power and many who do not. I’m happy to message you the link if you’d like to visit the group some day! You have to do what’s right for you… it’s your journey, no one else’s. 🩵

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#9

Yo man, glad you're here. If you do want another option I can tell you about a book that changed my life.

#10

I’m almost 3 years alcohol free without AA, I’m actually terrified of alcohol now , I can be around it but the smell alone makes me sick, after many years of trying to give it up , I just woke up one day and decided I was done , doesn’t work for everyone but I am just saying this to say that AA is not for everyone , don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

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#11

I’ve been to several 12-Step rehabs including the best in the Nation- Hazeltine in Minnesota and Betty Ford in Rancho Mirage. You hit the nail on the head with hypocrisy ego shaming cult. I finally went to Passages. It was an amazing experience my life not only went back on track but inspired me to be more. All without a single trigger in 5 years.

#12

AA was not for me either. Tried multiple groups and even though all the groups stated AA was the only way, it is not. I'm also an empty nester and it was very hard. I went to rehab for 2 weeks, who pushed AA as being the only way, it is not. What worked for me, may not be for everyone, but it was for me. I adopted a small young mix from the SPCA, as I live in an apt. My life changed over night with Harley. I'm now short 3 months of being sober 2 years.
Good luck on your journey!!!

1 Like
#13

Thank you Paula!

#14

Fantastic man, thanks for sharing that!

#15

Thank you for the encouragement!

#16

Yeah I’d like to hear about it.

#17

I believe we are all different and what works for one person may not work for another. I’m glad you posted this because although I am doing online AA meetings it’s nice to know what other options there are out there. I’ve only known AA.

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#18

Checkout the book Alan Carr's quit drinking without willpower, and let me know what you think (plz).

#19

Will do, thanks

#20

Awesome