I’m coming up on 2yrs sober from Booze and I’ve been struggling lately. I white knuckled recovery and it’s been ok to not drink. By no means easy, but doable. Ive been in a rut lately - depressed and isolating. The self loathing part of me keeps saying “I quit drinking but is my life really all that much better?” I realize this is a “pink cloud” kind of thing and although I’m not really considering drinking again, I can’t seem to be happy or even slightly at peace with myself. Any suggestions or thoughts welcome.
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I'm sorry to hear about that
Thank you for sharing this. I can identify totally with this. It's like I just never feel good enough. For me, the most help I have is from my higher power, Who I believe created me for his good purpose. I keep falling short, but He still loves me.
Something that helps me is taking baby steps; seeking gladness and gratefulness over pride, and being grateful for each opportunity to do right.
You're not alone, thanks again for sharing.
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This is definitely not a pink cloud. That would be thrilled to be alive and sober.
I would ask if you are working with a sponsor and working the steps? This was the difference for me. I could white knuckle and be miserable, but the A.A. program changed all of that.
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Thank you sharing. I have 3 years 9 months and the summer months are my hardest months because it was always about outdoor tiki bars and beach. But Everytime I feel the slightest bit uneasy I reach out and I get to a meeting. The only thing good about my recovery as of now is my immediate family are back in my life. My health has been down the toilet and I know IF I was to drink again I am dead. Plus look at it this way too “it’s nice being clear headed and understanding” unlike before. You can do this it’s not easy BUT believe me I witnessed it and “Death by Alcohol” is brutal. 
watched my brother die completely yellow and my friend was found dead in his car, he bled out from every part of his body. Picture that when you get the urge. We all can do this.
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I admire how long you have been sober and hope that one day I might achieve that pentacle. You are an inspiration to everyone that is trying so hard to be sober. Maybe get more involved in your program if you are in one, but if not, maybe being of service to another struggling addict. Free yourself brother, we got your back
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