Suicidal ideation always
Are you in therapy?
That’s why I quit drinking. Therapy and audio books helped me through a lot of the self harm and suicidal emotions. Finding a great therapist saved me and going to meetings when I couldn’t do therapy helped a lot. Have compassion for yourself and know the emotions will pass. The apps Hoopla and Libby have free audio books if you have a library card which is also free at your local library. Some good ones for me were Unfu*k Yourself by Gary John Bishop and Emotional Sobriety by Tain Dayton.
Getting medicated while it’s not always for everyone, saved my life and saved many others that I know.. I know everyday is miserable, everyone and everything sucks, and you may hate yourself more than you hate everyone else.. it makes life feel like it’s not worth living.. but if you hang in there, and try to get some real help, I promise you it will be worth it and you will be resilient and be able to live to tell your story. You can be a super hero man, I believe I’m you and am routing for you! Message me if you ever need anyone to talk to.
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Yes ! I was a constant relapser until I got help and worked on my core problems. I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder and Im now on medications that have made a huge impact in my life. I don’t cry every night, I can control my emotions, and I can even smile now and truly feel ok inside. Medicine rlly can help and even just talking to a therapist and getting your thoughts out feels great! Just my story… something to think about only a suggestion but reaching out for help is ok!
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Be gentle with yourself . I can’t express how important self care is. Breath, pray meditate. Try and get evaluated with a therapist to get you out of your funk. You are so worth it. Your loved 
please know this. You got this. Surround yourself with positive people. Wishing you well:pray: