My experience with surrender wasn’t easy until I had the “Gift of desperation”.
I tried to hold onto old ideas many times after saying I’m through with drinking. I took step one seriously. For the first time I admitted I was powerless over alcohol and my life had become unmanageable. Basically I surrender! Next I had to get real honest with myself about step 2. Is there a power greater then myself? First thing that came to mind was the waves on a beach. I can’t stop them from happening. I surrendered to the knowledge that there are powers greater then me. As for restoring me to sanity, I needed more convincing. Step 3, made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understood him. I had to surrender to GUS-Great Universal Spiritual in order to surrender to this step in early recovery. Today God is everything and I have completely surrendered to his will. I do try to take mine back. When I do he always shows me that he has a much better plan.
As for the rest of the steps, it took me a long time to surrender to the 4th and 5th step. But once I did I was free! Guilt, shame, remorse, fear, and anger begin to cease.
I surrender my character defects quickly and then began the journey of harms list. I made that list and the fear came back. The fear of facing those I had harmed. I couldn’t stand stewing in that misery snd again found myself surrendering. The last three steps are my favorite ones. I surrendered to the program of AA. I surrender to being selfish and self centered. I surrender to being egotistical and prideful. I’m here to help. The only way I don’t end up in the morgue is I must surrender daily.
Love this Kevin. My experiences have been very similar. I’m working step 9 now concurrently with the rest of the steps. The steps are very intimidating. I was turned off to them for decades because I didn’t think I could do them. All of the God talk, and turning my will and life over…it really sounded impossible…so why even try. Truth is was too scared to even get a sponsor and attempt them because I knew I couldn’t do them. Turns out I was overthinking and complicating everything. I was taking every word literally and absolutely. As if you really just make a decision to turn your will and your life over and poof… it’s done lol. Now, I just do my best. I “practice” all of these things. I give them all my best and most honest attempt. I’m not walking on cloud 9 with the spirits. My feet are on the ground and I’m trudging thru life just like everyone else. Instead of medicating to take the edge off and relieve the stress, I practice this program. It gives me enough of a reprieve to go about my day without the need to drink. Rambling on here…appreciate your post!
You are killing it! Keep up the good work brother! I love the fact the you came up with your own conception of God. That’s the point…
Today's NA just for today reading topic was "Surrendering is for Everyone." I completely related to it. On my first run of recovery I thought I knew enough like it says about old timers becoming complacent etc and I basically stopped going to meetings and working the steps. I thought I was healed lol. That pride and ego of mine was a doozy.
I like what you wrote in your post and basically said nearly the samething in my bio when I first joined Loosid a few weeks ago.
July 21, 2022
Surrender is for everyone
Page 211
"If, after a period of time, we find ourselves in trouble with our recovery, we have probably stopped doing one or more of the things that helped us in the earlier stages of our recovery."
Basic Text, p. 95
Surrender is just for newcomers, right? Wrong!
After we've been around awhile, some of us succumb to a condition particular to oldtimers. We think we know something about recovery, about God, about NA, about ourselves-and we do. The problem is, we think we know enough, and we think that merely knowing is enough. But it's what we learn and what we do after we think we know it all that really makes the difference.
Conceit and complacency can land us in deep trouble. When we find that "applying the principles" on our own power just isn't working, we can practice what worked for us in the beginning: surrender. When we find we are still powerless, our lives again unmanageable, we need to seek the care of a Power greater than ourselves. And when we discover that self-therapy isn't so therapeutic after all, we need to take advantage of "the therapeutic value of one addict helping another."
Just for Today: I need guidance, support, and a Power beyond my own. I will go to a meeting, reach out to a newcomer, call my sponsor, pray to my Higher Power - I will do something that says, "I surrender."
Welcome Tim! Thank you for sharing.
I too thought I was cured after a three year dry spell. Having a program sure made a difference in how I think about sobriety today.
I’m glad you’re here! ODAAT brother
Thank you Brother.
Welcome brother!
Kevin, this is inspiring to me. I come from a very strick religious upbringing that was forced. I struggle with absolutes, black and white one way only. I am finding strength in numbers. I'm learning that we all have something in common whether you have 50 years or 1 day of sobriety. I've always viewed surrendering to be defeat. In reality I was doing the definition of insanity. Expecting a different result doing the same thing over and over. The more I connect the powerful this change becomes. Thanks for sharing!
Welcome Chris! I feel your pain Brother! I grew up Catholic but rebelled at a very young age. This program has given me a new way to seek a spiritual life, to open my mind back up to what people of religion are saying and to bond with others.
I started going to church about a year ago and have met some wonderful people. I feel very grateful and blessed to be where I am today. As long as we find a power that’s greater then ourselves we can lean on that power when times of uncertainty arise.
ODAAT my friend!
Thank you for sharing. That helped me today.