There was a time when loneliness would have sent me running.
Running back to people who spoke to me with cruelty.
Running toward chaos just to avoid the silence.
Running back to substances to numb the pain I didn’t know how to sit with.
Running into arms that never truly held me.
Last night I sat alone at a small restaurant table.
No one across from me.
No hand reaching for mine.
No familiar voice filling the quiet.
And for a moment… the old words returned.
“You’ll end up alone.”
“No one will ever love you the way I do.”
They echoed softly in the back of my mind like ghosts that still try to visit.
I let the tears come.
But I didn’t run.
I stayed seated.
I finished my dinner.
And afterward… I decided to indulge in a slice of cheesecake.
A small act of kindness toward myself.
Loneliness can be a dark place.
But there is something even darker… returning to people who make you feel small just to avoid it.
So I sat there.
A woman who once would have chased validation now simply sat with herself.
And somewhere between the tears, the quiet, and that sweet bite of cheesecake… I realized something.
This is not failure.
This is healing.
Because the version of me who once begged for love would never have had the courage to sit at that table alone.
Loneliness may visit sometimes.
But self-respect stays.
And the right kind of love will never require me to abandon myself again.
Until then…
I will keep choosing me.
— Ivy Rowan 
