I just found out that I was taken out of my best friends wedding. I was so excited to be a bridesmaid. I don’t have a lot of friends at all, so I think this was one of my few opportunities to be in someone’s wedding. And she took me out of it because she’s afraid I’m going to relapse and put her in a bad spot. I’m at 90 days tomorrow. It’s been hard. But I was so looking forward to this and I’m truly heartbroken right now. I feel like I’ve let my addiction take everything I love away from me, push people away so that I become a liability instead of a companion. And it just makes me really, really genuinely sad. Deep down. And instead of letting this motivate me to do better, all I want to do right now is relapse.
8 Likes
Congratulations on your 90 days. That is fantastic news and a great accomplishment.
Think of how long you struggled. Think of how long your actions hurt and upset the people you love, and who love you. If you drank or drugged for years, do you think it’s reasonable for ppl to forgive and forget in 3 months? I’m not trying to be mean. But it takes time and action to earn and regain trust.
This is your friend’s big day. Don’t make it about you. Go to her wedding. Stay sober. Congratulate her and her husband. Show them who you are becoming.
11 Likes
Stay the course and prove them wrong Holly 
4 Likes
TL;DR response here, but bear with me.
-
This is one small blip in the timeline of your life, especially now that you’ve likely given yourself additional decades of life by getting sober (huge congrats). Remember, this too shall pass. Go to the wedding and show them how far you’ve come along. There are a LOT of new and old relationships that are about to blossom in your life because of the decision you’ve made (congrats again!)
-
This is totally normal. They care about you. Honestly, they may be making the best decision ever for you. You just may not know or feel it yet. But, you will.
-
Take the time and money you just saved from being a bridesmaid (it’s a lot of both) and invest in a trip to see a friend or family member. Or, spend time with yourself in a place you’ve always wanted to visit. My personal rule - You get one day to wallow. After that, it’s either action or moving on.
All in all, there is plenty of silver lining in this situation . Think about what the silver lining is, write it down, take a moment to be thankful even when you aren’t feeling it, and go meet with other sober folks who have very likely been in the same boat (more than once). There is comfort and beauty in community. You’ve got this. 
7 Likes
I agree with you i think i expect people to trust me again because i feel inside how much i have changed. And I think you’re right about not making it about me. Sometimes I think the world revolves around me because my emotions are SO big it’s hard to see other perspectives. Thank you for helping me see that
7 Likes
I really agree that she did it to take pressure off of me in order to focus on my sobriety. When I found out, I wrote this post like right after I got off the phone with her. Now that I’ve had a few hours to calm down, I can see the other possibilities of why she took me out of it. Thank you for helping me through that!
6 Likes
what he said
2 Likes
I’m so glad you are able to see it from a different perspective once the sting let up. Being a bridesmaid is sooooooo expensive! Buy yourself something spectacular to wear to the wedding! Also, maybe you could have a convo with your friend and let her know you understand and are happy to help in any other (less stressful) way you can. She will see your progress through your humility. It’s a win win
3 Likes
Also….it was probably a really hard decision for her to make too
3 Likes
Hi Holly, I had something similar happen. My sister wouldn't let me get invited to my nephew's wedding. I was about 6 months sober at the time. She didn't want the pressure for me, and really she was just worried and didn't want to have that problem to consider. I think it really was putting unnecessary pressure on her self. Here's why I mention this... Shortly afterwards, after family realized there was no pressure and no one had to worry about me, I began to be invited to everything. And I still do. And so will you. Congratulations on your clarity!
1 Like
90 days is quite an accomplishment! Don’t let other people’s actions cause you to drink. You can do this!
2 Likes
Stay strong sister
1 Like
I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through that Holly, you’re in the right place, prove them wrong!
2 Likes
You know what's great? Staying sober and proving her wrong lol
Keep going sister!
2 Likes
Craig hit the nail on the head. Just because we sober up doesn’t mean all those we have harmed should trust us.
Building back trust takes time. But it sounds like you’re understanding that now.
The insanity is, being mad we’re left out because of all our terrible behavior when drinking,
then deciding that throwing away our sobriety by drinking and doing the exact same behavior that got us there in the first place is a good idea.
1 Like
Hi, Holly-how is today going for you?
Congratulations on 9 months of sobriety, Holly-no small feat!
Yes,
I would have felt hurt, rejected, many other emotions.
I am glad that you viewed this from your friend’s perspective and that you wrote about all of this.
The insights here are great.
Even after a few years of sobriety, I continue to feel hurt in regards to certain matters ( of course-this is now life on life’s terms-as the saying goes! )…while now, we have this superpower which is sobriety, Holly!
And yes-being a bridesmaid can get crazy expensive!
It was uh, “ nice “ to get to be one a few times.
I meannn.
I “ guess “?
…while honestly…you may be better off not having to fork over that money and you know, the expectations which accompany being one…looking back, I would not have minded being asked to N O T be a bridesmaid.
( And of course, some brides can be divas, chortles )!
I hope that you are so proud of yourself, Holly-I will not drink with you todaaaay!
1 Like
Ack!
I typed 9 months of sobriety-while you know what?
You will reach T H A T milestone as well, Holly/I believe in you and am rooting for you!!
1 Like
Thank you soo much 🥹
1 Like