The Aftermath of the Aftermath

Mental Health
#1

I’m no longer practicing an “attitude of gratitude.”

I haven’t forgotten what I’ve gained, or what I’ve lost. I just feel like I’m at the life after phase of sobriety.

Regularly, poor choices from my past still come back to bite me. I maintain my sobriety, but not as a struggle. I simply fail to see the point in the escape anymore. I don’t require it.

The joie de vivre that came with fresh eyes and a bright outlook is gone, though.

I don’t thrive on negativity. I don’t mope about things. I’ve simply accepted sobriety as fact.

I still do the occasional fun thing or three. Ride my bike. Play a sport. Stroll around the park. Enjoy myself.

It’s not the healing that’s hard.

It’s the aftermath.

And sometimes the aftermath’s aftermath.

I continue to push and drive forward, and it doesn’t feel like a struggle or like I’m forcing myself to do it. I’m living my life.

I’m just excited for the time when I’ve managed to restructure enough that the life I’ve built is no longer so heavily affected by the destruction my past has wrought.

I think that’s where I am in recovery now.

Not struggling to stay sober.

Just building a life after everything that came before it.

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#2

I’m trying to avoid hanging on to the feeling that my recovery has “gone stagnant.” I’m trying new meetings and alternative pathways, but I still don’t feel the same drive I was feeling a few months ago. Like you said, though, perhaps that’s okay. That 90-in-90 energy fades, and then the rest of your life gets to happen. Thanks for that encouragement!

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#3

Oh wow that's so powerful. The aftermath's aftermath. Boom there it is. I felt like a bell hit me upon the side of my soul. I do all the things, say all the things, but feel just like this. What comes next? I've adjusted my sails so many times I've created a whirlpool! On Wednesday I will have 7 years sober. I've been waiting and waiting for that next ship to sail. I guess you can't explore new oceans if you're afraid to leave the shore. Best Wishes wayward traveler.

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