The amount of times I’ve thought about saying screw it to my sobriety at work tonight is not great.
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Stay strong. You are so amazing and so worth more. Especially a job is not worth all you have done. Reach out for strength and help.
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You got this love!!!
stay positive 
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I challenge you to find out why. Why are you willing to to entertain a life of destruction knowing how it will end up? Why is non-sober life more valuable to you than sober life? I’m currently evaluating my life and looking for answers to these questions. So please don’t think I’m picking. But it’s worth it to find the root of the problem.
I have learned I get that way too when I’m having a lot of stress/anxiety. I used to immediately go for a drink..which ironically only made the anxiety worse over time! When this has been happening to me recently I realize it’s one of my triggers & instead of having a drink, I have n/a wine. So far it is doing the trick for me. I’m they have other n/a mocktail drinks too. I know this is not for everyone & eventually I hope to faze it out but right now it is keeping me sober so I’m all about it!
Ooops, sorry Rachel, I realized it was you & we talked about the n/a drinks already 
I’ll request you to chat 