One thing that I continue to struggle with, despite being sober for almost 23 months, are the inevitable ups and downs of life. Drinking for 15 years though everything- good, bad, and ugly- numbed out everything I experienced and felt. I still have a hard time getting used to my strong emotions and pulling myself out of a low spot. I tend to end up down there every few months and have to claw my way back out. I never dealt with illness and death at this rate before, or having a relationship fall apart, or any of my own health issues, let alone all of it at once. I think the most striking thing I'm learning is that nothing lasts, nothing is permanent. Make the most of each day and each moment and put effort into the things and people that are truly important to me. Tell people I love them. Show myself some love. So grateful today to be sober.
Experiencing emotions again is a very weird experience, but one that should be embraced. It shows that you are recovering and allowing yourself to feel life instead of shut it out. You also make a great point about showing yourself love. Getting sober is the ultimate act of self love and you are crushing it. You’re so close to two years in, keep going! You’ve got this!
Ahhh, yes... Impermanence happens, yet nothing is truly lost, if all is one.
I'm sorry to hear you are dealing with a rough time. It sounds like it hurts. I'm here if you wanna talk.
Hang in there. It will get better as long as you stay sober and work the steps. The emotions will eventually regulate but they are tough in the beginning.
I wish you all the best. And the miracle is that your sober today.
ODAAT
In life good times come and they pass, and bad times come and they pass as well. As someone that wants to feel good ALL the time, I struggled with it initially as well. Like Matt said, I think every experience good or bad leads to the leveling out because you see that you are not in control of what happens, but you are in control of how you react to what happens. Thankfully now I know that when I get uncomfortable I try to work my program harder and when things are good and going well, I try to work my program harder as well. This stuff takes time, that’s the hardest part for someone like me who drank and drugged to change how I felt instantaneously. Thanks for sharing, keep going 
Hi Lali, we understand the struggles of the sobriety journey as things does not always go as we planned them to, but the Loosid community is here to support you! Please feel free to reach out to our Sobriety Tools section in the app to help you out or engage in conversations with other users as we are all here to help each other out throughout the sobriety journey!
Relatable. I use this concept of a dopamine stack to manage my day. I line up things that will keep my mood up. Gym in AM, coffee or tea, a good lunch, some sort of cardio or walk in PM, sunlight in my eyes and on my skin, commedy or some other form of entertainment, writing and reading (for my personal goal of writing a book) and it helps but there are still down days. I need to work hard to change my physical space when those Grey clouds roll in bc changing my physical space often improves my mental space. What's on your dopamine stack?
Sometimes the whole wow I'm too sober for this becomes real! So many things happen that we are not use to having to deal with or more importantly feel with! Gotta stay in the one day at at time one hurdle at a time mindset!
Oh and it's good to see ya again 
Perhaps every moment itself lasts forever in our memories.. way to stay true to yourself for 23 months!
Da mn well said 
I'm glad you mentioned this. The highs and lows are a real thing. I had my first cpl beers in 7th grade. Drank alot in hs and once I turnt 21 I got into my blackout faze for about 15yrs. Then you think you can be responsible and only do it on the weekends or a holiday but that never ends well either. I noticed my anxiety kicked up 1000x more being sober. I nvr played out how I would unalive myself until a few months ago. But I started antidepressants and have older children that still need me so I know I have a purpose. But there is some dark stuff that happens in sobriety.
I feel that hard right now. I’m only in my first 30 (props for your time) but facing hardship head on is heavy. I’m finding that I feel power in the struggle, if that makes sense. The fact that I’m not reaching for my adult pacifier (drink) when things get hard gives me dignity that I haven’t felt in a long time. At this point I would rather feel than numb it out so I can look myself in the mirror and feel okay about the person I see. Hope that helps. The struggle is real.
Hi Lali, That was very well said. It is so important for all of us to see that it’s possible to handle life without a drink or drug. It is amazing how with a little determination and taking life one step at a time can get you through the hardest times of your life and stay sober through it all. A great support system helps too, a lot.