Question I have today is how can I set aside my emotions and ego when thinking about the things that have happened to me (deservingly). I can’t seem to allow much healing with certain things or people including family members because I either feel betrayed or felt like I was done wrong even though I was the aggressor for the most part.. it always leads to me becoming vulnerable and angry affff and sometimes leads to me wanting to run away from them through the thought of using substances to make them go away.
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My dear Seth,
I feel at one point throughout my 11 and some, I've experienced these feelings. Recognizing them is great but what i have to ask is have you healed yourself? Forgiven yourself? I wouldn't put too much focus on healing with others until you're solid with "the wrongs" you've done with yourself- healed yourself. For me, once I accepted, forgiven, acknowledged all my faults in the mess I made- it became easier to navigate the rest. Yes I went back and forth a ton, but that's just a part of the process. Mine was certainly not streamlined. You're doing great so far, if anything- just put aside the ego if it's there. No room at the table for that. 
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Thanks, Sammy 
you’re so freaking right on the self healing part.. the past trauma along with the substance abuse is something that has always been my go to mixture.
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It takes time Seth! Keep working. You are doing great. You will begin to feel like you are no longer “that” person. Eventually your loved ones will see that you are a good man and deserve to move forward. If they can’t do this, you will be know in your heart it’s time to move on from the past and let it go. Remember, this is a process and does take time. You can work your tail off, but time takes time my friend
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I lived with guilt and shame all my life. Guilt for doing a bad thing but shame is another beast. It says you are the bad thing. The way your family sees you is distorted. You are the only one that knows who you really are. And an ego bruised sucks and so does not being given a second chance by some, but in the end.. you are the only one that needs to know who you really are and what your capable of. If they never see it, maybe they didn’t deserve to get the new you.
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I could never make much sense of the blame game of the past.it's difficult to look back and make sense of the choices I made or the choices others made during my drinking days.it was impossible to try and see who did what first to start all the chaos..i realized I can't. my mindset is way different now so trying to even understand my own logic back then is something I can't does.i read a book called" Egoic Mind" by Eckhart Tolle and it helped me to understand myself more
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Seth, you are in early recovery, confusing and painful at times….remember its just your brain rebalancing…..its NOT you…be gentle on your world and everyone in it today! Just gentle Seth..Keith Kayle
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