The ending to my wonderful day in recovery and around the NA fellowship was a bad one. It’s showing me yet again, I can’t stay here in this apartment with my original abuser anymore. I need to escape. I tried last year. She held my cat hostage. I came back. If I don’t leave, I’ll never stop suffering and being in permanent survival mode. I need a miracle. For my cat and I. I’ve tried so hard for so long. My efforts are never enough. I need more help than I’ve ever been able to do for myself. I feel absolutely hopeless right now. I am told I deserve better. Than what my own soulless mother has put me through and continues to do to me. If that’s true, where is my rescue? I can’t do it alone. I’ve tried. I made myself homeless. I tried to die. I even went no contact for years before I came back here. Because I didn’t have anywhere to go. The first time I was made homeless after domestic violence in 2018. I came back to this violence. I have done all the things. It’s never going to end I feel like. Please ignore my pathetic rant. I’ll delete it later. Never mind.
Hi Heather, I am going to try and tell my story from the other or at least how I see it. My wife and I were holding each other back and trapped in a prison of our own making. I was a little surprised that she didn’t leave me when I first got sober. The lying and deception on my part was terrible. The first year of my sobriety I was still mentally out of whack. She was miserable. Right after I made a year somethings came out and she knew she just couldn’t keep trying. She left on faith, I asked her where she was going and she didn’t know. That single step out the door led to her not Being miserable anymore. I know she was scared. She has grown tremendously and is doing well for herself. It’s been a year since she left and we are are both in better places than we have been in years all because she took the step and did what I couldn’t do. I hope that helps. Stay strong and keep moving forward.
Well where do you live? If you need to talk, you can call me on my private number at 727-479-4288.
I’m going through something similar. Stuck in an abusive relationship with my parents and unable to move out because of poverty. And unable to work due to ptsd and other issues. Once you get into that hole it can be hard to pull yourself out but I suggest simply trying to leave the house for small chunks at a time