The feeling that I can't be trusted anymore with anyone I can't even be trusted myself
at the point.
Every time I'm trying to confess the truth and my innocences.
Everyone thinks I'm full of it and can't be trusted and need to be sent away. I feel hurtful and betrayed that people can't trust me anymore I think I am total mess of An alcoholic Who can't be saved and need to be sent away!
Hi Brett, you don't mention how much time you have. Time, one day of it at a time, does matter.
My experience in my sobriety journey was to ask for forgiveness and show the people around me, I was cured and I'm a totally new person. This was less than 30 days working a program.
I hurt these people for more, way more than 30 days. A few 24 hours under my belt proved nothing to them. To get to a point of forgiveness I worked with a sponsor, who worked with a sponsor the steps of recovery. I was told to slow it down and the steps are in the order they are. I was told there would be a time I would make amends and those around me would see the active change in me. It would be time, it wouldn't be overnight.
I don't work a perfect program all the time, I make mistakes in life. Those around me know when I say "I'm sorry" that I will make a change not to do the negative action again. It's progress, not perfection.
With a few 24 hours I still get the side eye and second guessed. I am living the dream, 52 years old and live with my parents (reach out if you want to know why, or go to NielFlamm.com). When I made the move, my parents have a ton of booze in the house. They used to drink, not such anymore. I was told they would remove it. I said they didn't have to. I know that I get a daily reprieve based on my spiritual condition. Today it is strong, I'll worry about tomorrow when it comes.
The wreckage of my past still follows me. Today I'm a walking example of a program in action, and have earned the forgiveness I worked towards.