Ms. Fifteen had a rough day this past weekend. Had her feelings hurt badly by a boy she likes. And because I'm sober, I was able to show up for her in a way that I otherwise never would have.
I was able to really empathize, without trying to minimize the way she felt. I just listened, and sat with her, and let her be upset and angry and hurt.
And then, late in the afternoon, I suggested we get out and do something fun. So we did. We got fixed up and went out for the evening, first to the trampoline park and then out for dinner. We didn't get home until almost 10pm. We laughed. We jumped. We talked. We ate so much buffet comfort food it was almost embarrassing. We listened to Taylor Swift on repeat all the way home.
None of this is all that amazing. But if I was still drinking? I would've found some way to minimize her hurt - "You're fifteen, you don't really even know what love is yet," or "There will be other boys, you'll be fine." I wouldn't have ever suggested getting out of the house, because I probably would've already been drinking. I would've just tried to turn it off as fast as I could - partly to fix it, and partly because I would have wanted my "alone time" with my wine at night. I didn't just drink my hurt away, I used to drink away my kids' hurt, too. I just couldn't handle any of it.
I'm not that mom anymore.
She finally gets to have the mom she deserves.
And that feels good.
