Growing up, my favorite person, my aunt, was inconsistently in and out of my life. I didn’t understand why and my mother always said that it was because she had “a monkey on her back.” The monkey being alcohol and drug addiction. Which is exactly how i visualize and make sense of this complex and devastating disease. I have a monkey on my back. When I’m in active addiction, the “monkey” has hijacked my brain, my thinking and my actions. This monkey only knows how to look out for and protect himself-even at the expense of me, it’s hosts. It’s like I can no long think for myself-Not a single action i take or thought I have is my own, I’m at the will of the monkey on my back that wants to protect and nurture this disease. It does not absolve me of my actions, reactions or behaviors, rather, I guess, help me practice self forgiveness for what i had to do in survival mode.
…However, IF I am diligent about “taking my medicine” or practicing the principles of a 12 step program, I regain control of my mind. I am given the opportunity to tranquilize the monkey. Though incapacitated, the monkey, or my disease, is still growing and looking for any reason to wake up and take the control again.
It’s is sometimes a daily struggle to keep that stupid monkey asleep so he’s not jeopardizing my life, one that is life long. It’s in doing the opposite of what the monkey wants the the struggle isn’t so hard….
… now I am completely well aware that
It is a much more complex disease. this simplified approach in thinking made it easier for me to focus on the solution rather than the problem, or the “why,” because I am the type to think and intellectualize something to the point of complete paralysis. I can’t take the actions that will help solve the problem i am obsessing about…. So just a genuine Lucy though. 
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Beautifully written.