The more hated and negatively I get the more depressed

The more hated and negatively I get the more depressed I will get or even worst☠️ i never wanted to be in that state of despression☠️ my life and mantel heath matters

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Sounds like you need to plan an escape. Even a mini escape could be helpful. We can't always help where we are, but you should get some air. Yes, you matter!