I’m only 30 days from a relapse and struggling again with the past and down than focusing on the present and future and up. Oddly enough, the down came from the group sharing about cleaning house as a key to maintaining sobriety. How do you clean house without looking back at the past as most were? I had to get up and leave the meeting and get some air as anxiety started rolling in.
Thanks Leidy. What they were talking about cleaning you (as the house) up and in doing so everyone got into their f’ups on alcohol (how bad it got for them) as the mess they were cleaning up. I don’t want focus on that stuff. Yeah, I screwed up. Now, I want to focus on moving forward, not look back. I was married to aN abusive BPD and got diagnosed with severe PTSD, Acute Anxiety Disorder, and severe Depression as a result. I self-medicated with alcohol, which turned into alcoholism and resulted in DUIs. I don’t want to focus on that. I want to focus on recovery, healing, and putting my life back together.
Give yourself time don’t b so hard on yourself.. It takes time for your mind and body to heal from the damage of alcohol then u have me tap health on top of it.. like most of us do!!
Thank you. Trying to, but hating the holidays right now when I normally love them.
I know it took me a few years to like the holidays again I was usually so depressed couldn’t get out of bed.. being patient isn’t one of my strengths but it’s getting better.. Lost my dad in August my hero he’s the one giving me the extra strength as well as Higher Power..
Sorry to hear about your Dad. Lost mine my third year of law school to brain cancer. It just sucks. My girlfriend who is a closet alcoholic dumps me and falsely blames her drinking on me and my younger sister pitched a fit about me coming to my family’s Christmas party because there would be drinking going on there and then gets drunk herself there according to my Mom.
Don't view it as "focusing" on the past. You're taking inventory, putting it all in one place. It's like if you owned a pizza shop. You know you have some tomato sauce back there, but you probably should get back there and inventory so you know how much you have, if it's expired etc. You did some dumb shït, we all have. Inventory of the past now doesn't make us more or less of a shïthead. We need to put it out there for ourselves to see the big picture. Accept it. Then move forward. Don't trip on it.
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Thank you.. U do what u need to do for U.. Don’t let anyone others advice get to u especially when they r an alcoholic as well.. Someone or Something is putting them in that situation not U.. Keep moving forward inventory the garbage get ride of it give it to God he will guide u.. Elevation Worship u tube them there music helps me a lot.. If u need to talk some more I’m here to listen. Have a blessed day.. one day at a time.. It’s ok not to b ok as well.. I don’t judge my family does.. 
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Yes, I love Elevation, Bethel and Hillsong Worship. Thank you.
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Edward. What Taylor said is awesome.
And congrats on 30 days. 
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Very good advice from Taylor.
That was supposed to be a happy face. 
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The steps are in order for a reason. That stuff is later. You will write your inventory and share it and a good sponsor may tell you some things he did and a weight will be lifted.
Picked up my silver chip tonight in AA.
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