The promise’s say we will find a new happiness. I’ve held on to old beliefs and have been overly hard on myself for my whole life. With that I’ve also carried shame and guilt that have held me down from experiencing true joy and happiness. I’m so controlling and fearful that I can’t even let myself be free. I’ve worked hard to be better at not controlling people,places and things but it’s time to allow myself to enjoy this life to the fullest while being my sober true self. I’ve done the work, it’s time to let go and be free in a new happiness.
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For me it was getting away from AA. After a year of going to multiple meetings a week, doing the steps, and everything else recommended in AA the pandemic hit and in person meetings ended. I have to look at my computer screen more than I’d like to for work as it is, and virtual meetings were a non starter for me. As I got farther and farther away from AA and the constant reminders of “how it was”, I found that my happiness drastically increased. I realized that going to meetings and obsessing over alcohol instead of focusing on living life to its fullest (without alcohol) was keeping me in a cycle of negative fixation on my past. I made my amends so I decided that from now on the past is the past, and since I can’t change it there is no point in focusing on it. Another realization I made was that there is nothing wrong with making the firm decision never to drink again. I made that promise to myself and my daughter four years ago. I took a ton of flack in AA about not living one day at a time… that may work for some people that want to spend their lives rehashing their past in the rooms, but not me. That promise to my daughter lets me be confident that I’ll never slip up… with that confidence I rarely even think about alcohol, and I can let the past be the past without having to remind myself “how it was”. I hang out with normies, go to shows and bars, and date women that drink. Never once in four years have I come close to relapse because I made a promise to someone I love more than anything, and that’s more important to me than any momentary self indulgence.
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Wow 
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