June 29th will be 3 years since my last drink 21 months of that I spent in prison (state prison) went for felony DUI…. since that time I’ve come home and seemingly got my life back on track. I got a 6 figure job, a beautiful gf whom I live with, hick I went from a bus pass to a Porsche in 6 months. You would think I’d be happy right but the truth is I’m absolutely miserable. I feel like I’m living a lie and I’m just doing this because it’s what I’m supposed to do. I can’t help but wonder what life will be like if I just said F it and quit my job and went back to dating strippers and doing only fans. It just doesn’t seem worth it to be honest. I feel like everyone around me is enjoying life and I’m just here being miserable. Yesterday I was at my gfs aunts house they are rich AF (we were dog sitting) this place has an indoor pool, a gym, a sauna, a hot tub etc a year ago I lived in a box it’s all just so overwhelming. I feel like a fraud everywhere I go because I’m a convicted felon and I’m just supposed to live normal and act like I just didn’t get out of prison then on top of that Everyone around me drinks. How do y’all do it long term. Like honestly I’m just so lost
Doug
I most definitely feel your pain. And I'll tell you something, if there's anybody who deserves to have had a DUI and gone to prison, it is me. Been locked up many times but never prison.
The only difference between you and I is that you happened to have been in the wrong places at the wrong times and got caught, and I didn't.
It's not that I'm better at not getting caught it was just a matter of timing.
You went to prison and stayed sober, but I have to ask, did you have a program of recovery going in your life?
There's an old question that we ask in AA;
What do you get when you get a horse thief sober?
A sober horse thief.
You see, Doug, drinking was only a symptom of our problem. We have to get down to causes and conditions. Simply quitting drinking does not make us happy.
The other thing I know about living a sober life is that we have to change everything in our lives. This includes the people that we hang around with. Is everybody going to stop drinking just because we did? Absolutely not.
Having a beautiful girlfriend is not going to make us happy either. It sounds to me like the best thing you can do is start getting to some AA meetings. Get yourself a sponsor who will take you through the 12 steps. If you do this, there are promises that are going to start coming true for you before you are even finished with the 12 steps. These are the promises below.
I'm going to send you a friend request. You can talk with me anytime you want. I've been around this thing for a long time.
Also, I was looking at your profile and see you are from Sewickley, PA.
I'm a truck driver who drives an auto transport. I drop Audi's off in that City from time to time.
Been there many times.
You ask how is it done? For me, I have to stay out of my head staying one day at a time - Putting my sobriety, second only to my relationship with God. Mostly the challenges trying to live in a world where a lot of people drink so I go meet to meetings were people there Are in recovery. I am always open for dialogue about how people are living the sober life. Peace and serenity to you.
In addition to my long comment above,
Don't ever, ever think that everyone is better than you simply because you went down some dark road. You have an experience under your belt that makes you wiser. Mistakes that we make in our past do not Define Who We Are.
You are not a fake. You are not a fraud. There's a whole life out there waiting for you to live it. You are also an example to a lot of younger people. There is so much that you can be doing and so much that you can offer to the human race.
I absolutely appreciate your kind words they brought a smile to my face thank you
Hey friend, congratulations on making it to where you are, you should be proud of yourself for that. It’s a miracle that we as addicts go 24 hours completely sober. In my experience try cultivating an attitude of gratitude. Being thankful for what you have knowing you had less shifts your perspective into a sense of humility. Your already humble enough to know you have had less, and that your extremely grateful for who and what you have in your life. Sometimes the responsibility of keeping up these jobs, successful life and beautiful family can be overwhelming but trust me it’s worth having because I know from experience having no one is way worse. You my friend have yet to see the blessing of what you have already achieved. That’s life after prison. Not many can say that. Try praying or meditating. Ask your higher power for guidance and be of service for those in need. That’s what helps people stay sober in the long run.
Sending much love 
I have to say this literally brought tears to my eyes it’s incredibly difficult to even understand just day to day life unless you’ve lived it. I ask myself why i continue to push myself trying to be rich when I was happy with nothing. I find myself hating my life more the more I obtain
Your gonna get through it man! Sending lots of love a prayers for you 
There's some good advice here. You went to prison and served your time. I've certainly committed crimes in active addiction but never got caught. Personally I'm a believer in the 12 Steps.
All Good Things Come to an End? Maybe that doesn't have to happen to you,in my past experiences of good fortune I've always f..kt it up! I'm noticing when I keep doing the right thing that doesn't have to happen. Different habits, different outcomes? Just for today, I'm not going to f..k this up!
Hi, Doug.
Thank you for sharing.
A question for you and feel free to not answer if you do not feel like answering, obviously while are you open to therapy?
It sounds as if you can afford therapy. Is that something you are open to?
Also. I don’t feel as if a majority of humans are living uh, great lives.
There is a lot of pretense, fake-e r y taking place.
Believe me.
A l o t of people are walking around acting as if they are doing “ great “ and “ happy “.
They are not. It’s how society rolls, often times. As in…
Hide how one is actually doing, feeling.
Appreciate your honesty, Doug.
Congratulations on turning your life around-no small feat!
I just know that alcohol makes everything worse and I agree that you are no less than any other human in relation to your experiences which you shared.
I made a few of the mistakes you made.
Similar.
Yeah. We effed up.
While we were, are brave enough to choose sobriety. I find your changes, the changes you made to be inspiring.
Money is important and I feel that it can buy security, comfort and certain experiences.
While finding the peace is up to us, obviously.
I just know that yeah, drinking and using make everything horrible.
I attend therapy weekly it helps in the moment but I have yet to find long term peace
If you don't mind me asking, what's eating you? I understand if you don't want to answer that.
Just everyday life and the struggle of being “normal” in a society that normalizes addiction
I get it. It’s completely insane. I know exactly where that lifestyle will lead me, and yet when I allow myself to get irritable, restless, and discontent, I suddenly only remember the fun and good times. Bouncing from one insane situation to another. Each time things would get too crazy, I’d switch things up and think I got it all figured out this time. However, each and every time things just went to 
. The chaos, lies, and bs became too much. It wasn’t fun anymore. The stress of continuing to live that lifestyle became more and more unmanageable. If you are like me, you don’t control it…it always ends up controlling you. We know this, yet we allow our minds to drift and think of the good times. Brother, those days are over! You are blessed to have some decent sobriety time. You are blessed to be out of jail. Blessed to have a car, job, gf, place to live etc. Many would love to be in your shoes. The fact that you’re miserable should be a red flag that the problem is what’s going on inside your head. You need to rewire your thinking and processing. I strongly recommend you make the choice to get involved in a daily spiritual recovery program before it’s too late. Keep making that choice ODAAT, and slowly but surely you will feel peace. That’s all we are looking to find…some peace and happiness
I appreciate the words. I have thrown the idea of the rooms around in my head for a long time however have been to cowardly to attend. You’re absolutely right I need to get involved
I feared the meetings for many years Doug. But I've finally stuck with them for almost 2yrs now. It's amazing what it's done for my self worth, self esteem and the whole 9 yards. I think you should give it a shot!
Hi again, Doug. Thank you for answering my question earlier. Gotcha.
I am reading The Myth of Normal by Dr. Gabor Mate.
His research and writings make a l o t of sense to me. I am tired from the day ( or would share a bit more )-while sincerely, his work addresses what you have brought up, feeling-wise.