I want to share with you the ultimate cost that I have undoubtedly caused. You never want to live my life, ever. These are my two beautiful grandchildren. Christmas Eve I found pictures on Facebook of them. Look at the picture hard I have not ever met them I don't know what my granddaughter's name is. I have never held them, told them stories and made them laugh. I have never touched nor smelled them either and I probably never will. I have lived in a self-induced prison because of my actions alone. I was disowned by my children in 2014 and rightly so because I refuse to stop snorting coke and drinking. I almost died because of it and the doctor told my children that I had remnants of cocaine in my system. I'm sharing this deep and personal and painful experience to reach out to other addicts that may be going through the same ? I'm trying not to swear this is a yet for people that couldn't get a grip on reality like myself. I pray this post because it's very difficult and it's raw and Powerful! Good luck with your sobriety I never thought this would happen to me but of course I never thought. L
My kids did the same to me over alcohol. My daughter married and I did not get invited. I'm waiting for the day that I am informed of grandchildren. It sucks so bad. I see you. Hugs!
@lauren425141
First and foremost THANK YOU for my freedom.
Second 
CONGRATULATIONS on your 116 days of sobriety.
Third... NEVER say never. Did you say never to the following;
- Date of signing up for enlistment?,
- Everyday during basic training?,
- Every time you were deployed?,
- Every time you were close to battle?,
If you're the true patriot like me you most likely said God get me out of here or the exact opposite... God let's go kick a$$.
Just like in sobriety NEVER give up. Suit up and show up, do the next indicated step seek God and watch what he could and would do if he were sought.
It is unfathomable to me literally that this can happen. I have had to resort to sneaking on my ex-husband's Facebook page to hopefully find any information out. I went as far as sending him a message through Facebook begging to put in a good word for me but that was 8 years ago. I'm so very sorry Laura that you go to the same stuff. God bless you
Well you just gave me a lot of inspirational moxie. And you're so right suit up! You are so right thank you for your time
Brave share
Thank you for being real
I'm here/hear for you.
I'm your same age. I hear that"getting to old for this s**t.
Addiction removes good things. Recovery can help get them back. No guarantees I'm told, however I am now trusted! Just for today... This is how I want to live. With the living, not the dying. Turn the mess into a message.
Praying for you 
. One of my sponsee’s was in a similar situation and after some time clean and the 12 steps, he was able to mend the relationship with his daughter and grand children.
Im here if you want to talk or have any questions