there was a point in time last night where i wasn’t sure i was going to make it through. i was performing music at a bar and every single person there was drinking. i got offered a beer in my first hour. respectfully told everyone i don’t drink and then took a walk. i was in a beach town so of course many people were drinking too. my own age, older, younger. alcohol is a devil that does not discriminate. i came home after my show and decided to watch a movie to wind down. in that movie there was a party scene where once again everyone was drinking. i had a huge craving come in and i had to stop to meditate. i literally felt the energy inside of me trying to take me. trying to tell me how alone i am and i should feel alienated and sorry for myself. those are the tricks this disease plays on me at least. it wants us to be alone. it wants us to feel like we don’t belong in this world. maybe we addicts are not quite yet a mainstream group, due to the stigma, but this app has shown me we are NOT ALONE! extreme gratitude for waking up sober again today. if i would have drank last night, it would have destroyed not only all my plans for the next 3 days, but also my dignity and self-esteem. not sure what the future holds, but community helped me become victorious last night. expressing my thanks for that 
Sounds like you were really tested…. That must have been incredibly challenging. Too often we hate ourselves for our failures but do t praise ourselves enough for our successes - 
thank you Paul. i’m always hesitant to share specifics victories like that when i know that others may not have had the same wins. you’re absolutely right though. our victories are just as important to talk about as our losses. i hope someone reads this who also won a fight recently and that makes them feel proud of themselves or maybe someone who didn’t win needed to know it’s possible.
I agree, it’s such a tough balance at times. I’m proud of myself that I attended a work happy hour briefly, was offered drinks, and only had water. Then I went to the sober bar, awake to try some new na drinks and a friend of mine called crying, saying she’d bought a bottle. I want to congratulate myself, but I also understand and appreciate the struggle it has take. To get here.
Way to go...you powers through. I was really craving alcohol the other evening so bad I was in tears. I wanted to throw things so instead I took it 4 year old Australian shepherd for a power walk. I felt much better afterwards. I feel to ins and anger coming out of me when I sweat. I know that sounds weird but it works for me. Keep coming back to this community.
i was tested again tonight Paul. even more so than yesterday. you know what though? how can we expect to grow without challenge? i keep getting exactly what i need to improve in the ways i need. i know that there will be moments i curse myself for being so philosophical about it, but i’m writing this for myself so i can find it later as a reminder that exactly what i expected will happen. hopefully i’ll find this comment when i need it the most. thank you for sharing man. really appreciate the positive communication
You share stuff that my sponsor with over 20 yrs of sobriety constantly reminds me of some very basic truths: One, that the disease never quits and will find all kinds of ways to get us, and Two, no matter what struggle we had, if we DID NOT PICK UP we can be have gratitude by carrying the message of Hope such as you did. The obsession sticks around longer for some than others. And then, even later when that is removed, we have all our character defects staring at us in the face! So, no matter where we are in sobriety there is always work to do.
Also, as a fellow performing artist, I suggest bringing a sober buddy along if going out.
Steve thank you for saying that. i was having a challenging day yesterday. i have a sober couple i’m friends with. admittedly i was complaining to them, but i kept saying “such and such happened…but i’m still not going to drink.” i am starting to see how accountability can really work. it’s not how i thought. the right people give us a reason to remind ourselves. like mirrors. the character flaws. i like to call them my true addictions. to me alcohol is only a secondary issue. not unlike medication. it’s not always the meds we are addicted to, but the fact that they make the pain go away. human beings are hedonistic creatures. our brains are designed to maximize pleasure and minimize pain. when that becomes malignant (for me at least) is when i combine that “junk” with the real-world “fixes.” even this site - i realize full-well that i step into a place where i’m seeking validation. is that not an addiction as well? my thought is - if i choose healthy community with others over alcohol as a fix, i’m okay with that. we can’t live in a vacuum right?
ps - i had never thought to bring a sober buddy with me. i don’t actually have any where i live now, however perhaps that’s a great goal i can set for myself. thank you as well fellow musician. i would love to hear more of your story if you care to share. happy sober Monday morning (haven’t seen many of these in the last decade)! :)
I'm happy you trusted yourself and not alcohol. Best of luck on your journey
Thank you for sharing. I have lots of these moments too in our booze-fueled society…always in our face. You are so strong. Simply awesome.
Glad you made it thru - I know I am a sight dog 
for me just need to steer clear of areas amd.places that would make me shelve reason and chase out into traffic