These past few days, I’ve found that I’m not really waking up feeling hopeful anymore. I’m feeling lost, scared, and exhausted. No matter how much sleep I get, it doesn’t feel like enough. I’ve felt tempted to just throw everything away. I think if I’m honest with myself, I don’t trust that I’m strong enough to stay sober. So in my mind, I would rather just relapse and “get it over with,” if that makes sense? I think I’m tired of having to be “strong.” It’s so exhausting. I know my addiction is trying it’s best to make me fail, and I’m definitely aware of it. Anything I do just never feels like enough. I’m going to go to a meeting today, something I’ve been anxious to do, for a myriad of reasons. But I am going to give it a try. It’s less than a mile away, and it’s a women’s meeting, which puts me at ease. I’m hoping it’s a positive experience. I haven’t felt comfortable sharing on here these last couple weeks, and that’s been tough too. I’m going to keep trying.
I hope everyone is having a great day, and I want y’all to know that I’m proud of you.
Doing recovery alone is nearly impossible. Reach out to others. Find a power greater than you to have your back when these struggles happen. It’s a WE program recovery is. ME uses. WE stay sober.
Hi Rachel, you can do this. Meetings are kinda weird at first, for real. I never ever ever ever EVER thought I would find myself at one. But I have been to almost 20 in the last 30 days. They are definitely worth it. Be open minded. Listen to people, what they are saying about their experiences. It's okay to be quiet at first and just observe.
Bring your own coffee. The coffee sucks. Haha 
It’s great that you are being honest with yourself and reaching out for help! I bet this women’s meeting is going to be exactly what you need. Be vulnerable and honest with them, just as you are with us. You may encounter one or two hardcore AA people that turn you off, but try and focus on the ladies that are more your style
It almost read as if writing that out took you from bad place to a better one! Look at the progression of your writing! I think journaling and writing helps you! You’re a good writer, too.
You should give in… to your higher power and the program. That weight will be lifted and you can feel the lightness happen to your soul. We have all been there. You definitely are strong enough, and frankly deserve to have sobriety. Like K. Said going at it alone is exhausting. The community wether that is AA or any of the other ones is about helping each other. I think you will do good.
Hey Rachel, I'm happy you're back to posting because venting helps release some of those hards feelings your dealing with. Our mind and this disease we have tries to trick us and in recovery it is definitely a battlefield of the mind.. Reach out to your Higher Power and ask for clarity, strength and patience. Be patient with yourself because recovery is hard. In my own personal experience what your feeling is common and relatable, some days you just feel like were being chased by a dark cloud of rain and doom BUT there is always light at end of the tunnel. I'm not going to tell you to stay strong but stay plugged in to positive sources & communities like you already are with Loosid🙂and stay on top of your self care. From taking a bubble bath or hot shower or mediating and praying to going outside for a walk and letting the breeze and sun touch your face. You've come a long way and the best is yet to come, keep on going! If you want or need to chat, you can always reach out to me!
Agree with others. Recovery is a team sport. Isolation is a death sentence. Force yourself to engage and be with people in healthy environments (meetings, outdoor clubs, church, gym, volunteer opportunities). Get out of your head and focus on productive things outside of your often-times harmful thoughts.
I've heard people do the "it's inevitable, so why put it off?". Its easy for me to simply say "don't!!", but when it all comes out in the, that's really all it is...you just have to find you're "dont" reason/motivation. Get that daily win!!
Every one want you to make it .I hope you like your meetings.meet lots of friends.keep it up.do some meetings then do more when you like it more.
Write a gratitude list all write down everything you did well for the day. Nothing to small to list get a shower give yourself credit go to work credit. It helps build a positive attitude and self esteem.